It Started As a Crush
by XxSarahCullenxX
Summary: Ernst/Hanschen. Ernst POV mostly. This is the story of Ernst and Hanschen, how they came to be, and their feelings for one another. Enjoy!
1. I could really like you

**Hello! This is my first SA fanfic. I was debating on whether or not to publish this, but I absolutely love Hanschen and Ernst, so I just had to share the love with other people. I hope you like!**

**Just so you know, some of the parts are a bit rough, but please just push through them. I am not fully developed as a writer yet, and am only 14 years old as of four days ago, so please be kind. :-D**

**Disclaimer: I honestly own no part of Spring Awakening. Sadly. But sometimes people need to face the hard truth. It's life!**

Ernst POV

It's not like I have been attracted to other guys all 14 years of my life, it just kind of happened when I met this one boy, Hanschen Robel. That's when it all started. He was 15, about a year older than me, and I instantly liked him as many other people did. It was weird. I remember catching his eye, and I know this is really corny, but it was slow motion. At least for me. I was walking past him to get to my classroom seat, when I accidentally brushed his shoulder and he turned to face me. Hanschen looked at me with question, and I was so embarrassed with everyone looking at me and nervous, obviously, because I had a crush on this boy. I started to blush and decided to get out immediately.

"Sorry," I quietly mumbled, and got the heck out of there. Then he mumbled something back to me that I couldn't understand. Before that, though, he looked into my eyes and stepped back a little. That was the first time he knew I existed, at least as far as I was educated.

Ever since then, I have to say I was hooked. I would stare at Hanschen all through classes, daydreaming about whether he would ever like me back, but quickly brushing that out of my mind. The chances of that were one in a billion. So, as I was looking at him, I would study his face, the way he smiled that gorgeous, dazzling smile, which would take me to another land. The way he would walk; in confidence, and always like he had somewhere to be and do right away, even if he didn't.

Gosh, Hanschen was perfect. He was really tall and handsome, with blond hair and eyes that pierced strait through your skull. I knew Hanschen had a soft side. Everyone does. Hanschen just had a very hard time letting the thick barrier down, but I could tell there was something in him unlike the other guys. Even though he was tough and cool on the outside (not really mean, though, but strong), he had that mushiness in him. I bet no one else saw it but me because I was usually the person to dig deep in someone to get the inner them. That is what I did with Hanschen. I could tell that he didn't show people he was weak. He would suck it up, but then go hide at home or the woods and cry or scream his soul out. That's what I loved about Hanschen. He was just so different.

He was popular of course. But that's alright. It's not like I was going to say anything to him. I was just way too shy to even consider that. Ask anyone I know.

People viewed me as the small and meek kid that goes along with life, having his own thoughts, but never sharing them aloud with anyone.

As I kept staring at Hanschen, sometimes he would catch me, and smile a bit, then turn away and get back to talking with friends. My heart would flutter, I'd blush profusely, and either look down, or freeze up with a shocked look on his face. This would make him undeniably happy. He at least knew the basics of who I was. And that made me happy.

All I wanted to do was tell Hanschen that I wanted to be with him. Thing was, I didn't think he would be like me. I'm sure he could tell I liked him a lot, but I just couldn't find the courage. If he had been a girl, I would have considered starting a conversation, because the paring would be normal, but I knew guys just shouldn't be together in that way, at least that was what my family and the other people acted like. Although it bothered the crap out of me, I decided to just keep quiet and maybe hope he would say something to me. But even that I knew would be far off. Just too far off to count on.

_I'd better just try to act normal_, I thought, even though I would still have to deal with spacing off in class and drooling on my desk until Moritz or someone slapped me and told me to pay attention.

_This is going to be a long year…_

_Oh, his blond hair, his broad, muscular shoulders, the way he just recited his Latin… ooohhhh… so fresh and amazing…_

"Herr Robel. Is there something in your head that is more important than the topic we are discussing? If so, I believe we all would be honored to find out what is so spectacular. Come on, please do share the glory." The professor said.

_Damn._

"Uh. Oh! Man, ummm…" I managed to stutter after discovering the whole of class was watching me fail, including my beloved Hanschen. I was so surprised I had nothing to say or do. So I attempted to make something up. "You see I was just thinking… about the Virgil assignment. It is so captivating I studied it all of yesterday afternoon." Hey, it was something… I guess.

"Well, Herr Robel. I have to say I am surprised. It is quite unfathomable that you would consider memorizing Latin texts to be so 'captivating'! If you think this is such great material, I would love to hear you recite the whole monologue right here in front of class, since you studied so much."

_No. Way. My mother is going to kill me if she finds out this happened!_

"But sir, we were just assigned this yesterday, for reviewing on Friday!" I blurted. It was Tuesday, and he assigned it on Monday.

"Ah, but Herr Robel, you have just expressed that you have already prepared the assignment, so let's hear it. Come on, don't keep me waiting." He was getting more angry and forceful by the second, but still enjoying my expression. He knew I was lying.

_Well I guess I could try to recite as much as I can remember learning from yesterday in class…_

"Very well, then," It is quite easy to say that everyone in the room was shocked, including the teacher. He expected to grill me for lying, to grill me for spacing out in class, to slap me until I admitted what I was thinking about, and excuse me from class for the rest of the week. But you know what? That was not going to happen! I wasn't going to let it! At least not in front of Hanschen and the other guys. I had actually read through it many times at home, because I don't like waiting for the last minute to accomplish something. Plus, it was easier than many other pieces, and was slightly easy to predict what will happen next because I have a pretty sturdy foundation on the language.

So I started, stuttering in many places, but still making it through.

"Litora, multum ille et terris iactatus et alto Vi superum, saevae memorem Iunonis ob iram Multa quoque et bello passus, dum conderet urbem  
Arma virumque cano, Troiae qui primus ab oris  
Italiam fato profugus Laviniaque venit".

The room was silent. I truly think that was one of the happiest days of my life. Don't you love proving people wrong? Someone in the back of the room whispered "Wow," which pretty much explained that for the whole class.

I am pleased to say that I was not punished in any way.

When class was over, I quickly walked out, not wanting to speak to anyone about the odd happening in Latin class. I had no where to be, since my parents are out somewhere god knows where. They don't tell me anything. I thought I'd just sit down at the base of a tree and think for a little while.

I was thinking about how the hack I recited that Latin in class today and came up with a single answer. God helped me. I have always been very religious, and when I feel sad or depressed or angry, I always know I can turn to my bible for comfort. I did that a lot, and that is what I did then. God felt like it was my time to shine, so he put the words in my head. I was contemplating this when I heard footsteps behind me.

I turned right as the person began to speak, and instantly recognized his smooth, hot voice even before I saw him.

"Ernst! Hey, I found you. Can I sit?" Hanschen said, as cool as calm as ever. I froze, blushed and started sweating, not knowing what to do. _Oh my goodness. He's going to find out for sure. _I was freaking out, like no joke.

After a long, awkward pause, I replied. "S-s-sure, H-hanschen. Sit." Man, was I confused.

"So, nice job in class today. I'm impressed. I still don't believe that's what you were thinking about, though. Sadly, I need to know what it was. Please tell me." Hanschen quietly said, with a smirk on his face. He knew what I was thinking about. He just wanted to bother me, or make fun of me. Either one; you can take your pick. I decided to play it confused and helpless, which is me, but just dismiss that fact please.

"Hanschen, I-I h-h-haven't the s-slightest clue what y-y-you're talking ab-bout." Why did I have to be such a terrible actor?

He chuckled. "Ernst, you're stuttering. Something's up. You're a horrible actor. No one just memorizes Latin for the fun of it." Well, he had a point.

"Okay, so you are right."

"I know." He said like he thinks he always is.

"So, what's the p-problem here?" I asked innocently, but still star struck, as I took in Hanschen's eye rolling. He knew full well that I knew what he meant the problem was. I gave him a hard time too. Besides, there was no way in heck I was going to tell Hanschen that I liked and admired him this much. It wasn't proper, easy, and right. He would probably hate me right away and leave, and that would leave me so heartbroken.

"Ernst, seriously. Come on. What were you thinking about? Humm?" He stared into my eyes, and I was instantly lost without too much hope of coming back on my own. I snapped out of it as soon as he nabbed my shoulder.

"Oh, I'm sorry, what?"

"Ernst, what you were thinking about." He spit out with laughter. He knew he was getting to me, and just loved it.

"Hanschen, don't laugh!" I pouted with a pussycat mouth. "Please?"

"You are so different," Hanschen said, calming down a little and smiling, "In a good way, of course." He added, with a cute little reassuring voice.

"Well, thank you then." I honestly meant it. I mean when do you get to have a real conversation with your secret crush whom you absolutely love, that makes you feel like butterflies? Now. That's when.

"Sure. Hey, you want to walk back home with me? I think we should talk."

"Yeah, sweet!" I jumped at the offer with a gleaming smile on my face. He was happy to make me so happy.

He got up, brushing the dirt from our trousers. It wouldn't be good if we got dirt on our school pants and it stayed there. We would have to pay a little extra.

Hanschen offered me his hand, and I took it, obviously glowing with happiness. He looked out toward the lake, admiring its beauty aloud, as I took it in as well. I hadn't noticed it was so beautiful, especially next to my Hanschen who doesn't compare. It really was a sight, though. The blue-tinted water with fish spilled out around the bend, with two willow trees (one of which we were under) around its side, and many lake grasses bursting out, spilling the lake with color.

I loved being there with Hanschen. It just made him and the moment so clear and right. Staring at him, with the glimmering sun on his face and sparkling eyes, as well as the lake backdrop behind him, it really was the first time I thought I could be completely satisfied with me spending the rest of my entire life with him and only him. No wife, no birth children (obviously). It was a beautiful moment that I didn't want to end. It should have gone on forever.

I was absolutely in love with Hanschen at that moment in time. That was the first time I actually thought the words, which surprised me. However, in some odd way it was comforting, knowing I will always have this much affection towards him, and he could rely on me at any time with anything and I would be there. The only other part would be if Hanschen would be just as righteous as I. If he would, I would be the happiest man, boy, in the entire world.

_I am in love with Hanschen Rilow._

_Ernst Robel Loves Hanschen Rilow as more than just a friend._

_Ernst and Hanschen._

_Hanschen and Ernst._

_Ernst and Hanschen together. How lovely this sounds!_

Hanschen caught me daydreaming, again, and raised an eyebrow, wondering what I was doing this time. "Ernst? You okay?"

"Yes. Yes, I am perfect! So, so perfect!" I gushed, overflowing with excitement and serenity. "Thank you, Hanschen!" Any other guy would think of me as a total freak by how I was acting, but not Hanschen. He got me and nodded his head while showing off his perfect teeth.

"You know what? Me too." We waited several minutes, just standing there by the lake not speaking, but in thought. It wasn't awkward at all. It fit entirely, without a question between the two of us. "Let's go." He finally let out.

"Okay. Let's go." I replied simply, repeating some of his words, which he added a smirk to acknowledge.

"I'm still going to find out what you were thinking, though." He added, with a smug look on his face.

"Sure, sure. I'll think about it." Maybe I should tell him. Only if it seems like he's interested too. Otherwise, I don't think so. But I'm not going to think too much right now, because I feel so at peace, with the of my dreams at my side, even if for only to talk. I really am astounded that I am this suitable around Hanschen. I should be mortally nervous, which I am a little, but more comfortable and at rest with him. I warmed up almost too quick for my taste, but I am not complaining at all.

The fact that we were together like this was a sign. I could tel. It was a sign from God telling us we were meant to be together. _Well, maybe it is too early,_ I was telling myself. But deep down, I knew I was right. Hanschen just didn't know it yet.

And at that moment, I didn't want the day to end. I wanted it to last forever, looking into my love's piercing, haunting, radiant eyes.

**So I was originally going to make this a one-shot, but I kind of want it to continue. So, please tell me if it was good or bad and whether or not I should make more chapters. I won't if it's horrible.**

**Thanks for reading. Don't you love Ernst and Hanschen? They rock. Oh, also, I was thinking about having some parts exist in Hanschen's point of view. What do you think? Please reply, it's all we have to get back from spending so much time writing, and lets us know what we should and shouldn't do! It's just the nice and polite thing. Thank you!**

**Love, Sarah**


	2. The kiss

**Yay! Second chapter! Thanks for those who reviewed. I try my best to fix any problems. This is the vineyard scene. I tried to do my best with it, so I hope you like it. However, please no flames! Enjoy! **

**Disclaimer: Though I wished I owned Spring Awakening, I don't. If I did, it would be playing in my town 24/7 so I could watch it everyday (or when I have the time!).**

Ernst POV

As we walked back to Hanschen's house, we talked the whole time. I asked him about school and friends, and him about his life as well. I enjoyed every second of it, and cherished each minute of time with my love, because I'd never been to his house before and didn't know where it was. Or how far away it could be for that matter.

"So Ernst. Besides memorizing and reciting Latin, what do you especially enjoy doing? Be honest." I had a hard time understanding how _not_ to be honest about what I like to do, so I replied with what I usually did outside of school. I took a couple seconds to think about my answer, because I don't do too much.

"Well, I love to go outside walking, or just running around in the forest outside my house, with no where to go. It makes me feel free and content, being there with just me and nature. It's nice and peaceful, and it gives me time to think with nothing in the way," I said smiling. Honestly, I think that was the most I have said in a while. I wasn't done though, not yet. "I love to think. It empties all the problems I have and it feels great."

"What do you think about?" He asked with a look on his face that projected interest.

"Oh, school, friends, certain people, life, mistakes, sometimes I have a good time making up stories about the teachers in school. Funny ones really." I let out a sigh and watched Hanschen's reaction. He was listening until he heard 'certain people' be a mentioned on my list. I could tell he was curious.

"I'm sorry, 'certain people'?" he asked, trying to get something good out of that comment with an odd look on his face. He probably wanted to know if he was one of those 'certain people'.

"Yes. Why?" I played dumb.

"May I ask you to please tell me who some of these people may be?" He quietly urged, obviously taunting me. He moved his face a fraction of an inch closer to mine. All of a sudden, I started blushing and my heart beat faster.

"No." I barely got that word out, because I was completely frozen. _How could Hanschen do this to me? This should not be happening!_ I started trembling.

"No?" Hanschen looked quite confused by my response.

"You a-asked me if I would t-tell you. My ans-swer is n-no, I will not-t." I managed to squeak out. _Oh gosh, this is going to be a problem._

Hanschen laughed at me, throwing his head back slightly and clutching his shoulder. I frowned at him because I had no clue why he was laughing. This was not funny whatsoever. I thought about it, and I believed he was humored at my facial expression, not just what I said. Anyway, he looked relieved that I was only saying no to telling him who I thought about.

"What are you laughing at H-Hanschen?" I asked anyway. My voice was still trembling, so I kept it short.

"I am laughing at what you look like right now. You should have seen your face! Ernst, would you like to tell me something? Who do you think about?" I remembered thinking, _how can he read me that easily? _The only answer that seemed like it could fit was that he was Hanschen. I truly wished I were better at this, but no. I absolutely have to turn red, stutter, and freeze up, so that when the love of my life tries to say something to me, I am totally fucked and can't do anything about it. Of course perfect Hanschen doesn't have that problem. He's just too cool for that. No, leave that all for me.

"Person." I squeaked again while snapping my head down to look at my shoes. I have a tendency to do that. I am talking to someone, and just out of nowhere I have an odd interest in the shoes I am wearing that day. However, of course I had no shoes on at that time because we both took them off at the river.

"Which person?" Hanschen softly seduced while inching his head more toward me. At that point, we were already sitting underneath a huge tree of which its type I could not detect overlooking a breathtaking vineyard that smelled heavily of the earth and sunshine. I didn't have the time or concentration to worry about the vineyard though. I was with Hanschen, the love of my life. Hanschen took my shoulders and pulled them slightly forward, lining them up with his. My knees were brushing over his legs and he was looking into my eyes. "Ernst, which person?" He repeated, urging me on. I couldn't possibly think as I was lost in Hanschen's magnificent eyes.

"Umm…" I tried to say something but couldn't concentrate, so I just stayed with my head down and put my hand up to my forehead. "Uh, Anna, Wendla…" I had to say something, or someone.

"Liar!" He seductively scolded. "I can see right through that!" Man was he intimidating… but still astonishingly handsome, especially in the sunlight that made his skin glow. _Oh, god. He looks so handsome in his trousers and the white shirt unbuttoned at the top. I can't continue this. It's too hard._ All I wanted to do was pull him up to me and kiss him until the day was out. Maybe unbutton a couple more of those buttons. _Oh, Ernst, you can't think like that! This won't work out and you will have you heart broken._

_This is not fair._

"Why?"

"Because I know who you think about Ernst. It's okay to tell me. Actually, you have to tell me!" _Gosh, why is Hanschen like this. Don't fall for it Ernst! He's seducing you! I get it perfectly now!_

"There's nothing to tell you! I swear!" I finally looked up, and saw Hanschen's face was closer than I had initially expected. Our faces were now just about three tiny inches away. I gasped at the close proximity. This was not going how I planned. But then again, what did I plan? That's the better question. Actually, it was going better than planned.

"I think there is Ernst." He started rubbing my shoulders and gently pushed my head onto his muscular, but still soft, shoulder. The he began to hug me. "You smell good," He added, "I like it."

That felt so nice. We stayed in this embrace for a whole lot longer than I expected. I did not want him to stop. Well, if he did stop I hoped it was for him to kiss me.

"You." I blurted without thinking at all. _Great, now I have to pay the consequences._ I covered my mouth and moved back a little, frightened by what Hanschen would say or do.

"What?" Hanschen gasped immediately looking surprised. I am not sure if he knew what I was talking about, but inside I knew he did. He didn't think I was going to admit it. Well, at least not that soon. I was even surprised at myself!

"I think about _you_, Hanschen. All the time. Night and day. You keep me up at night in bed and, and I have never ever liked a female the way I like you." I spoke this rather quickly, but with confidence, since I meant every word. At that point I did not care at all what he would say, because it was better taking the chance than just sitting here refusing to address this possible relationship.

Hanschen's face was iconic. He was so very surprised I was admitting this, as was I in a way, but then he was also _not_ surprised. He knew perfectly well what I felt for him, but Hanschen just wanted to see me say it physically.

First his face was shock, then he smiled, then he moved even closer to me and looked as seductive as possible, which turned me into an utter mess. I wasn't surprised at his reaction. I was too used to this happening to be surprised.

What happened next was a blur, and it is a miracle I even remember the specifics. My heart was beating a million times a minute, my cheeks bright red, and I was staring into Hanschen's eyes, getting lost and forgetting about everything in my life other than Hanschen. My dear, dear Hanschen, who I would gladly risk my whole life for. Then immediately when I caught his eyes, he grabbed my head and kissed me. He kissed me hard and I loved it so much that if I died at that minute I would ultimately be perfectly fine with no questions asked on my part.

Hanschen smiled as he pushed closer onto me and right hand pulled my hair on my head, messing it up, while his left hand hugged my back. This was surprisingly very comfortable. I loved it, until he detached himself from me. I was in a daze, still recovering from that unexpected but quite welcome kiss. He was looking at me, a smug but radiant look on his face. At that point I knew he enjoyed it too.

I felt like I had to talk to Hanschen after the incident, I don't know why, so I said something about only thinking that we would talk when we were walking together. Actually I did think we would only talk as much as I wanted otherwise. My mind couldn't have even comprehended doing what we did today.

"So are you sorry we…" Hanschen asked, not having to finish his sentence. That question was rhetorical, and we both knew it, because he was positive I enjoyed that kiss.

"No! I love you Hanschen as I have never loved anyone!" I blurted out to the world. I was just going for it. I told the man of my dreams, literally, that I was in love with him. That was a mighty huge step in my opinion. Apparently not for Hanschen though.

"And so you should." He responded softly. I am not sure if it was me, but he seemed a little pained that I had just said that. What did that even mean? 'And so you should'? He didn't even say he loved me. Did he? If he did, he wasn't being obvious at all.

I looked at him questioningly. He looked at me with a bit more happier expression and pulled me into a more intense kiss, but it lasted shorter. Hanschen pushed me up against a tree and we were pressed tightly together, feeling ever bump and line of our bodies. His soft lips caressed mine, and I felt his warm stomach stick to mine as we had our moment. This was the better kiss of the two we had shared at that point. When he drifted away, he unlatched his hands from around my body and stepped back.

"I knew you loved me." Hanschen said more to himself than to me, glancing away at the spectacular vineyard scenery around us. "See you in school tomorrow. Hope you enjoy writing that paper tonight." He chuckled as he saw my surprised face about the paper I haven't even started yet, turned around, and sprinted the rest of the short distance to his house leaving me stunned and messed up on a tree overlooking a vineyard wondering what the heck this entire experience was. Whatever it was, though, I wanted more.

And I was going to get it.

______________________________________________________________________________

I woke up the next morning to the sound of heavy rain spattering on our rooftop. I remembered what happened yesterday between me and my love, Hanschen and smiled. Finally I got to tell him what I felt. Even though the rain was making everything wet, I was still in a great mood. I was really to take on the world if it came to be. I just hoped that Hanschen would remember me, and understand how much I loved him. That is what I needed at that moment in time.

I got up and put my school clothes that I love so much on. I was starting to feel the lack of sleep catch up on me, because I had spent the whole night last night writing my paper on a book we had to read. The book wasn't even that good, but we don't have to get into boring specifics.

As my mom, dad, and I were eating a breakfast of eggs and toasted bread, my mother talked to me.

"Ernst, you are unusually glad this morning. Would you mind telling us about it?" _What it isn't good to be happy once in a while?_ I felt like saying, but luckily I didn't. I would have been reprimanded for sure if I had. Although, she did have a point. Usually I wasn't truly awake until after school, so that is when I would have been in a better mood. Not today though, and she noticed that.

"I just made a new… friend after school yesterday. That's all. I am quite satisfied with our new friendship." Well, I was satisfied with our friendship. Our actual relationship though, needed to be spiced up a bit, in my opinion.

"Who is your new friend?" Father asked. My parents seemed honestly happy with this.

"His name is Hanschen Rilow. You should know him. He goes to our same church." Just saying his name sent shivers up my spine.

"Ah, yes! A good boy he is. You two are a good ways different though, he seems to be a little bolder. That's okay though." My mom rambled. She tends to do that often.

"Yes, thank you mother. May I please be excused?" We had to ask to be excused from the table at any meal.

"Of course you may. You should be preparing for school. Make sure you have all your books. We wouldn't want you to get whipped again for not bringing them."

I ran upstairs into my room to get my report that is due today. I feel like I did a good enough job on it. Well, a good enough job for my circumstances. I took it off my desk and shoved it into my bag, realizing I will be late if I did not hurry. I grabbed the rest of my materials and ran out the door still holding them.

"Mother, Father, I am leaving now!" I shouted after I left my house. I really needed to run to get to school. After realizing this, I remembered a shortcut Hanschen told me about yesterday during our walk. Why not try it? It couldn't get me to class later, right? Besides, I trust Hanschen enough to give it a chance.

As I was running, about a half mile from my house, I heard footsteps that weren't mine from behind. I decided that I could not waste any time looking for who it was, so kept on running, pretending it was nothing. I thought it to be Anna, Georg, or even Martha, since they all lived in the same direction as me. What I did not expect is exactly what happened right after that. The footsteps, or rather the person who created the footsteps, spoke.

"Hey, Ernst! You're just going to ignore me after yesterday? Well, fine I guess, but I take back my kiss." The voice hollered with a noticeable hint of sarcasm in his voice. Hey, that could only mean one thing, Hanschen! He took this route too! How could I have missed that? I stopped and turned right away, awaiting my beloved.

"Oh, sorry Hanschen! I thought you were someone else and we are going to be late for school." I gushed, breathless for two distinct reasons that you can most likely guess.

"Which is exactly why I happen to be running as well. Here come run with me!" He nicely ordered me. I was very glad he still recognized me from yesterday. _Well, why wouldn't he?_ We shared two kisses together and they weren't two little pecks. I knew he felt _something_ toward me at least. Perhaps not love yet, but definitely something!

By the time we reached the school, we were laughing because of the race we had. I won.

It wasn't until slightly after, that I noticed that I had never seen Hanschen laugh before in my life. I don't know, Hanschen is just not the type of person that I would think of if someone asked me to think of someone who laughs all the time. I enjoyed it, though. Hanschen had a good laugh. He still does. He doesn't try too hard, which is a great thing.

Hanschen looked at me confused when he caught me staring at him.

"What?" He asked, still chuckling a little. "You've never seen anyone laugh?"

"To be perfectly honest? No, not you." I walked past him as he stopped and turned to face him. We had to get inside, since we ended up not being late, but I had to say something first.

"Hanschen, thank you for the great time we had yesterday. I really do love you, regardless of what you feel. I just wished we could stay for a whole lot longer, but I had to do my paper."

I left him standing there that time and walked into school wanting to stay with Hanschen for a lot longer, but knowing there would be no point. Hanschen stood there in the school doorway for a little longer and thought about our possible relationship and where we could go if we stayed together.

_Great. Another day of school dreaming about me and Hanschen. At least I have a certain experience with to dream about._

**So I hope you enjoyed this chapter. It was a couple hundred words longer. I may do Hanschen's POV soon, or maybe not at all.**

**Please feel free to leave comment, because if you don't I am just going to think you all don't care, or the story is absolutely spectacular and is medal-earning worthy. I highly doubt the latter, so please go ahead with the reviews. It makes me feel great.**

**See ya'll!**


	3. The Farmer's Shack

**Thanks to all who reviewed last chapter, I am glad people actually read my work! Just so you know our summer performance of the Wizard of Oz has officially started today and auditions for the roles are tomorrow, so I will be very tired and busy from working on that. So, hopefully I will still be able to get chapters up quickly, but if I don't I apologize in advance. ******** Here is chapter 3! Please remember to review and tell me what you think!**

**Hanschen's POV at last! If you don't like it I can stop and just do Ernst, but I just thought I would try it to add a mix.**

**Disclaimer: Does it honestly look like I own Spring Awakening? Yeah. I didn't think so.**

Hanschen's POV

My teacher was jabbering on and on about a topic none of us cared about whatsoever, so I decided to make the class compelling by thinking about Ernst, something I would have never considered before our kiss, but strangely sounds oddly comforting to me now.

_Wow. I do not believe I ever saw Ernst so sure of himself and sure of what he was saying until now, at the school door._ _He really loves me. Perhaps I shall keep going with him. It would be rude to lead him on though, especially since I try not to have any relationships, just to keep my love life open to anyone. _

_Well, he is highly adorable. More so than the other boys in our class. It is not that hard to notice. I really do honor his quiet, relaxing presence! How could you not? Ernst is just so sweet and innocent. He seemingly does not know anything about the world, like how babies are made. The Bible probably has yet to include the previous information in it. His mother and father are most likely too afraid to tell the unfortunate soul anyway. _

_Ohh. Poor Ernst, all alone with just the Bible for company. Actually, he does have Melchior and Moritz, but they do not talk that often. It is surprisingly difficult not to feel for the young male. I must do something to help him. He will thank me someday. I am sure. Yes, he needs company, so I am going to pleasure both of us and continue this 'possible relationship'. I am sure he will love it, by the way he looks at me and blushes that charming, sensitive blush and trembles from being nervous around me! I can tell from the way he stares at me all day in class and freezes when he catches me looking at him. He stares primarily at my eyes… and my lips. He is a good kisser. That is one gratifying part I will get out of this. He will fancy me, and I will have a marvelous time with him as well. Yes, I do believe this will be fun. I will definitely show him a good time. I am an experienced teacher anyway. He will not be able to resist me! _

_Oh, God. Ernst is really in for it…_

All of this I thought during class time at school. I was fully aware of Ernst gaping at me, taking in my temping masculine body. I let him. He needed someone like me in his life to make it interesting and enjoyable, of course.

School was over before I knew it, which left me without any place to be. I got up and exited the classroom in which I spent a good portion of my day. I noticed I forgot one of my books halfway to the door, so I turned back to retrieve it. When I got back into the room, I saw that Ernst was still putting together his things and getting ready to leave. We were the only two people left, for the teacher needed to go immediately after school to his sick daughter at home. The nurse told me.

Ernst's presence somehow consoled me. He had the strange ability to do that to people. It could have just been his faith, or his youthfulness and honesty, or even just the way he looked and held himself. I always loved to be around him. Plus, he was also appealing to me in a way. I wanted to get near him and kiss him. He looked and smelled amazing constantly and I wanted to just hold him all the time.

I walked up to Ernst, who was facing the opposing way, and obviously couldn't see me. When I tapped his shoulder, ready to speak, he gasped and stood straight up thinking I was the teacher. He should not have been there after class, so he would get into trouble.

Ernst started to speak, still turned around and awaiting the teacher's punishment. "Oh, sir I am so sorry, I just dropped my books and fell down, hurting my knee and had to pick them up. I am so sorry, please to do not hurt me." Ernst hastily said with a concerned expression on his tiny face. I loved the speaking voice Ernst had. It was normally very soft and shy, but still fully aware of what he was saying. It was adorable and enticing.

"It is alright Ernst, but if I catch you do something like this once more, so help me I will have you taken out of school for a full week. Do you hear me?" I thought I shall play with him a bit, making fun of his over concerned self. I said this while trying to imitate the teacher's voice.

Ernst turned, with a heavy blush on his face after noticing the person was me. "Oh. Hello Hanschen," He murmured with a beat look on his face. "Why are you here?"

"Just coming for my Latin book. I already know why you are here." I replied while referring to his previous comments.

"Yes. So…" Ernst started, wanting a fuller answer.

"What?"

"Are you going to mention what happened before school began today?" Ernst began, trying to get something out of me. I remembered what he was talking about and wanted to play it up a little and see what he thought.

"I have absolutely no idea what you are going at. Would you care to explain a little for me?" Yes, I know, I was trying to get him to confess his love for me again, but only because I know he needed it.

His face turned red. He most likely thought that I forgot all this while about the two of us, which I didn't, but he was just so damn easy to convince. "Um, Hanschen. Remember this morning, and yesterday with the kiss? I said I love you. You don't remember? I knew it. I knew you would forget about me. You are too good to possibly want anyone like little me who has nothing to offer someone as perfect as you." After him saying that, it made me feel so bad even though it made me feel excited inside. He should not think of himself like that. Ernst was too smart and accepting to say anything like that. He did not deserve that. I could not let him continue with such rubbish, it just was not right for either of us.

"Ernst, Ernst, stop. Calm down." He did so instantaneously. He was both interested and confused, both of which were easy expressions of his to tell. "I remember perfectly what happened, I promise. You need to stop saying that shit about yourself. You are too friendly and smart to think that."

I saw the look of complete shock on his face before he said something else.

"What?" He managed to get out.

"Ernst, I was just kidding to see if you would fall for it. You are exceedingly gullible. Do not believe every single word of what people say. You are too clever for such words." With that, I grabbed the forgotten book and motioned for him to gather his belongings and walk with me.

After we were both outside, Ernst spoke.

"Do you honestly mean what you said, Hanschen?" Ernst voiced. I could still hear and see the shock in his tone. He was not used to hearing such things, especially not from a well off boy like me. I was not known for my compliments at all. Actually I rarely gave them, so as you can imagine anyone who was granted that honor should be quite surprised.

"Yes. Ernst, I am most definitely aware that I hardly ever give compliments to people because there is usually no point. In a compliment, you are either merely repeating a trait about a person in which they already know, or telling them something that does not matter in the least or does not help them at all. For those reasons, I tend to hold off on compliments unless I truly mean them or think them to be useful. However with you, Ernst, you were saying something absolutely absurd, so I had no choice but to correct what you were saying by giving you a compliment that you rightly deserved. Ernst, you are not just nothing, so please do us both a favor and stop thinking that you are." The whole time I said this, Ernst was extremely thrilled. He was standing there with his mouth half open, taking in what I was saying. When I was finished with my speech, he smiled. Not an everyday small smile, but one with life. He believed what I was saying and appreciated it. I am sure that no one has ever said such things to him.

We continued walking, both processing in our minds what was going on. It seemed that after around ten long minutes, one of us had the obligation to act in some way. It was me. I stopped, causing Ernst to turn back to question me. Before he could say anything, though, I felt the urge to hug him.

I pulled Ernst into the longest, tightest, most gleeful hug I believe I have ever given in my lifetime. _This boy is really changing me,_ I thought. _I would have never in a million years said those things to Ernst, never mind meant them! Who would guess that I, Hanschen, would be warming up to Ernst, the school's shy and timid one that reads the Bible daily and wouldn't hurt a fly!_

I have to say that I was in shock as well, and not just because I said and did those things to Ernst, but it was that I was absolutely candid with the word that came out of my mouth.

Shock was not the only emotion that crossed Ernst's ambrosial face. The other was love. I could see it clear as glass in his eyes. He was in love with me without a doubt. I know many would say it is too early to say such comment, but it was inevitable. At least with Ernst.

I started to feel bad for him. I started to feel like I didn't deserve his love because I was just using him for my own enjoyment and nothing else. He was this timid and innocent young boy that I was taking advantage of. If I were to tell him this though, it would have broken his heart, so I kept quiet.

_My God, Hanschen. Why are you thinking this way? This is so unlike you! Just have fun with Ernst and teach him some things. You might as well! He is so easy to get, why don't you go for it? His pleasing light smile? His chocolate brown eyes? What is happening to you? You are supposed to be superior and masculine, not compassionate!_ That was what my mind was telling me the whole time, but somehow I just couldn't manage to do what I was telling myself. It didn't feel right inside of me anymore.

I have to say that I was indeed falling for humble little Ernst. I was definitely not in love yet, for I am much more hesitant in that factor; however I was interested in Ernst.

_**Ernst POV **_(Still in chronological order)

I looked in Hanschen's deep eyes and saw something I have never seen before. I still to this day fail to put a name on such feeling, but it was exhilarating. It was something I know I have been awaiting all my life, but without knowing it. Right at that moment I felt as if he was truly genuine about what he said to me and he felt something toward me, unlike all the other people in our school. They were friends to him. I was something more. It was too early to say lover, but perhaps love interest? I wasn't sure, but I was positive there was something there.

A dark gray bird of some kind sung a song in the breeze, and it was then that I finally got a chance to take a good look at our surroundings. We were on a thin path in the middle of a hayfield with trees and rocks around its border. The sun was shining onto the long stalks, producing much grow and vegetation. The whole place was streaming with life, which gave some sort of a sugarcoat to everything that was happening to us both.

Hanschen saw me look around and he copied me. His eyes lit up as he realized something. Soon he began to say something.

"Ernst, I know of an old farmer's shack close to here that Ilse, Moritz, Wendla, and Melchior used to play pirates in. Do you want me to take you there? It was long since abandoned, and is quite safe." Hanschen looked eager to take me to this so called farmer's shack, and I couldn't say no. Besides, it was with Hanschen the boy that I love.

"That sounds like fun! Did you play pirates with them?" I asked with a noticeable excitement in my voice.

"Well, no. I haven't actually been there. I was just told about it by Melchior." He continued "It should be right around this bend in the trail." I loved how Hanschen was always so sure, or at least acted it. It rubbed off on me and made me a whole lot confident in myself, something I had very little of before the time in which Hanschen became my friend.

I followed Hanschen to a cozy, rickety old shack near the back right side of the hayfield. Its red paint was peeling, and the roof was caved in slightly, with stacks of pine needles piled up on the top and covering numerous holes. There were two steps to get up to the main platform that have also seen better days. This shack was overall in very bad condition, but suited us perfectly fine. I was quite glad that Hanschen brought us here, but I still was clueless as to why he did.

"Hanschen, why are we here exactly?" I questioned as we entered the shack from its one and only half-hinged paint-peeled door.

Hanschen turned and raised an eyebrow. "Why are we here you ask?"

"Yes." I murmured. However, that was all I had time to say, because he did was I was not expecting right then. I concluded that he took me to this old shack to play pirates or a game of the sort. That was what Moritz, Melchior, Wendla, and Ilse did there. However Hanschen had other plans that I should have expected in the first place, him being Hanschen and all. So when his lips pushed greatly against mine at a miraculously strong force, we both came crashing to the ground on top of one another.

Hanschen did not try to get up and just stayed at his place on top of me. _This boy does not hold back._ I thought, not complaining. I was a little surprised at Hanschen's forcefulness, but I had learned to accept how he is and try to expect anything with him. The kiss was, however, fantastic. Hanschen was a very talented kisser, I have to admit. He had raw talent.

It was odd, though. This kiss was real. It was completely genuine, like he knew what he was doing. It was not just everyday passive kissing, it was strong and to the point. He was on top of me and I could feel his every move through our school clothes that have been messily dealt with.

Suddenly Hanschen stopped and pulled away from me. I tried to come up with him, moaning because I didn't want him to stop, but he had a tight grip on me and held me down.

"Would you like me to show you why we are here?" Hanschen said, purposefully being unquestionably provocative. He tilted his head like he wanted me to respond. I could not find words I was so dazed.

"Uhhh…," Was all I could manage to come out. I couldn't concentrate properly between Hanschen himself and the situation we were in then.

"Ernst. Are you okay?" He chuckled, his head gradually moving closer to mine. His eyes were boring into mine at such a ferocious level I could not react. I looked away to attempt an answer.

"I-I… ummm," My face was bright red, my mouth was half open, my stomach was fluttering uncontrollably, and I was stiff all the way. I could not understand why I was like this toward Hanschen. It was utterly ridiculous.

"Ernst?" He tapped my face "is there something wrong?" He knew quite well what was wrong; he just wanted to taunt me about it. He knew what effect he had on me.

"Hanschen, to be honest I do not know how to do this at all. You are the first person I have ever kissed, and I do not have a clue as to what I am doing." I let out, very embarrassed. There was nothing I could do, though. I had to tell him.

Hanschen stopped at once. "I am the first kiss of your life?" He pondered that for a moment. At first he looked shocked, but then he started to make sense of the idea. "Well, I guess I am not too surprised. You don't seem like a rebellious child." Hanschen was thinking while I was wondering what he was thinking about.

After a couple moments I had to interrupt.

"Hanschen, what are you doing?" I asked in a childish, playful voice. I saw Hanschen recognize this and he responded.

"I will help you learn." He responded. It would have taken me a minute to fully understand what he was saying to me. However I was interrupted during my thought process.

At that moment, Hanschen pushed me down again and forced his lips onto mine in an even more suggestive manner.

_Oh, God. I now know what he is talking about!_

**So there is chapter 3. I know this chapter is slightly different, but I hope you liked it. I stopped there because I was not sure if I wanted them to go all the way, half way, or for there to be more dialogue, or what. Plus, I wanted to keep the rating T, not move up to M because I would just like to. **

**So now this is where you guys come in. Please feel free to review and tell me what I should do. Also please mention if you liked Hanschen's point of view. **

**Thank you! Have a jolly summer people!!!!!**


	4. An Education

**Chapter 4! Sorry for the wait! I took in mind what you guys said, and I have made a decision on what shall happen in the shack. I really hope you don't hate me for it. Not my best work, but it had to be written. This chapter really captures Ernst's lack of education. Enjoy!**

**Disclaimer: You know this really gets annoying stating the (nearly) obvious all the time.**

Hanschen's POV

I lightly shoved Ernst on the hard wood floor, placing him on top of me. We where lying on top of each other and could feel every singly wrinkly in the fabric that separated our bodies. I just told Ernst that I was going to teach him because he had no experience in the area before. I cannot say it is difficult to believe. The boy was so small and meek. He believed in the Lord like his life depended on it, which I guess it does, and he read the Bible just out of mere habit and escape for loneliness.

I must say though, Ernst was very desirable as a lover, even though we were two males. He has talent that is hard to see go to waste. He had a whole lot more in him than he was displaying, though, probably for insecurity reasons. It is reasonable that one would be shy starting something they never even thought about doing before, especially with a man like me who is not modest or shy whatsoever. It is hard not to have pity for the boy. I could only imagine what it must be like 'spending time' with me.

I pressed further onto his lips, feeling the innocence of his young, soft, lips. The lips of which could only be Ernst. He froze for a second, noticing how heavy this moment had become. I could sense he was curious what I was trying to start, but he was nervous, to the point where I had to cut in. As I gave him a gentle nudge to get him to sit up I spoke my mind.

"Ernst are you okay?" I was a tad bit hurt that Ernst did not feel like engaging in my activities that I considered being privileges for other people. "You seem to have a considerable amount of added unwillingness to participate in my games. More so than usual."

Ernst stayed there for a few moments to think up an answer. "H-Hanschen, I have been thinking about the other day in the vineyard when we kissed and I told you that I loved you. However you did not say the same to me. What does 'and so you should' mean?"

At that moment all I could think of was that I underestimated little Ernst. He could pick up on small details even I hadn't noticed.

_Shit. What am I going to say? 'Oh yes, I don't love you I am only taking advantage of you because you are weak and I am strong. Sorry! Hope you have better luck next time.' That is not going to work. Oh my! I am taking advantage of him aren't I! Well at least I can tell he enjoys it…_

Ernst looked at me questioningly, staying perfectly still. He wanted an answer.

"That is a good question…" I hesitated.

"Hanschen, what were we going to do?" Ernst forces, not giving me time to answer because he could see that I wasn't going to tell him I loved him.

Ernst's expression was becoming more and more pained as time elapsed and he slowly began moving away. We both knew something was going to happen.

"Ernst, I… we…" I was at a loss for words… for Ernst! Shy, tiny, meek, innocent little Ernst. Unbelievable.

I was starting to feel something for him that I was not expecting. This something made me feel quite guilty for taking advantage of Ernst.

On the other side though, Ernst was perfect for my needs and also a great friend overall. I did not want to lose him or his spirited innocence that made me feel like the only boy in the world after I kissed him.

No, I was going to continue, no matter how much it pained him, or me for that matter. Truth be told, I am Hanschen and Hanschen is not to be stopped by a small boy and his small feelings, especially while engaging in these types of activities.

Instead of continuing to speak, I drew Ernst's head closer and put his lips on mine, attempting to restart what had been stopped a little while earlier. I opened my mouth and granted my tongue entrance to his mouth. It seemed like Ernst was warming up a bit more. It was obvious that it was hard for him to refuse me, but he would definitely not forget what he was going to say for now at least.

He commanded a lot more than I ever thought he would. Someone couldn't be so oblivious to say that the boy did not have raw talent. It was nice not being the only dominating person while kissing.

I decided to take it to the next step. Perhaps if we went far enough he would forget about what he was saying and go along with me.

I put my hands at the top of his stiff white school shirt and undid the first button. He looked up at me in surprise and stopped any motion he was making.

_**Ernst POV**_

I was going to ask Hanschen to see if he loved me because I felt as if we shouldn't continue this if he was just using me.

However, Hanschen crushed my lips with his before I could say anything else about the vineyard episode. I was not going to forget it, but for that time I thought I would just go along with Hanschen. It did seem rather enjoyable from his anxiety…

All of a sudden Hanschen forced his tongue in my mouth, exploring every which way he could, all the time hugging me closely to his body. I did not know what I should have been doing, so I basically went along with Hanschen and savored the experience.

I started to wonder if this was real, as in his feelings toward me.

_Does he feeling that erratic need for us to be touching and kissing and holding one another whenever we lock eyes in school or elsewhere?_

_Does he constantly think about me, even when he tries not to?_

_Does he constantly think about me in a certain situation with him just with much less clothes on than now?_

_Does he think about both of our bodies pressed firmly together just like we are two objects in a magnetic field?_

_Does he know that God does not support the two of us together in a relationship like this and that we are going to hell because of it?_

_And lastly…_

_Does he love me as much as I love him?_

The only question I could answer confidently was the most important one, which is the last one. I knew he loved me, I just knew that he did not know he loved me. That was why I let him continue our fun before he admitted to loving me. Other wise I would be walking out so quickly.

I was fairly sure that Hanschen thought he was taking advantage of me. He might have even felt bad for me. Somehow I let my mind ignore that feeling and just let loose for a change. I might as well have some fun, right? Hanschen was beautiful, in every way possible. There was nothing I wanted more than to kiss him all day. The only thing was, I knew there was something far more intimate and heavy than just kissing, but I did not know what. All I knew was that that was meant for adults, people who are much older and know exactly what they were doing. There was no way Hanschen was going to go farther than this. God was against it, my parents were against it, and I guess I was against it. It, whatever it was, was out of the question.

Besides, if whatever it is pertained to me, my parents would have educated me about it. I just advanced on Hanschen even more.

My curiosity kept growing. As I said before, I was positive that there was an act between two people in love that they could do to tell their partner how much they love them, and I actually really wanted to know what it was. I knew it had to do with two people being without clothes on…

I kept kissing Hanschen and the fluttering in my stomach, the heated red blush on face, and my excitement for the situation at hand stayed with me during the whole time in the shack. It felt beyond spectacular to be that close with Hanschen and feel his warmth and body. I did not want the moment to end. I smiled to myself because I was so elated.

Then…

Hanschen raised one of his hands to my shirt and undid my top button. I froze because I was confused at first. Then I knew what he wanted from me. Was I going to let him though? This was completely new territory and I have never done something like before. What was he going to do with my clothes off? I knew somewhat, but not really.

I gazed up at Hanschen's piercing eyes trying to figure the whole blur of the situation out. He had some confusion in his eyes, but they were mostly consumed with a desire, a need, for something. That something had to be me.

"Hanschen? What are you doing?" I asked as innocently as possible to try to sway him onto 'my side'.

"Teaching you."

"What exactly? Please tell me."

_Perhaps what Hanschen is trying to teach me is about the mysterious 'act'._

Hanschen sat me up with a long pause, not wanting to get up and stop. He could tell I knew nothing. We leaned back on the left wall of the shack, shirt sleeves touching. I could still feel Hanschen's warmth.

"Your parent never told you anything?" Hanschen asked rhetorically quietly. It was more like a knowing statement than a question though. Without even a nod from me he let on, "Of course not. Mine didn't either. I had to come to Melchior to learn the filthy truth." He continued even quieter.

"Filthy truth?" What could be the filthy truth?

"Yes." After that, Hanschen paused. It was noticeable that he did not feel like telling me this. He was guilty!

"Look, why can't I just show you?" He said with a seductive grin on his face. Without letting me say anything he undid all the buttons on my shirt while his tongue was connected to my mouth, and pulled it off. It literally took me that long for me to process what Hanschen was getting at. He wanted to do it all to me without me knowing what it is.

Hanschen caressed my chest and brought me closer to him, groaning in pleasure as he did so. After that, he grabbed my belt buckle and began undoing that as well. My mind was racing after he pulled it off and threw it across the shack, letting it hit the wall with a loud 'thud' on the other side.

"Wait! I don't know what you are doing!" I started to panic and thought about whether this could be dangerous or if it might hurt. It was all new and scary for me, so you can imagine I didn't know where to go with this.

I got up immediately, not wanting to take my chances. I lost all my control and shrieked, "I am so sorry Hanschen, and I need to go!" With that, I grabbed my shirt and ran out into the forest near the hayfield. I kept sprinting strait ahead of me, as I heard Hanschen's footsteps behind me.

It took a good five minutes for me to calm down and notice where I was. Luckily I recognized this as close to Anna's back yard because I saw the huge tree that looked like an arrow pointing to her house. We used to get together and play fun games in the forest, so I got to know that climbing tree. I followed the arrow to her house and was walking back to my home that was the second closest to my house (other than Georg) on the dirt road I had come to know and love so much.

As I passed Georg's house I swear I could hear his mesmerizing piano playing start and stop as if practicing. I contemplated dropping in to say hi, but brushed the thought from my mind. We weren't very close as friends anyway and it would be nothing but awkwardness.

I stopped and put my shirt back on. I was about to put my belt around my waste, but in my hasten to leave I had forgot it.

_Oh well, I will just go back tomorrow to get it._

By that time, I had lost Hanschen a while ago, so I had no rush. I still did not want to see him though as much as I still loved him. It was still too nervous for that.

As I walked, I remembered what Hanschen had said. I really had not made anything of it, but it could be of good use to me, so I thought to use it. He said to me, "Of course not. Mine didn't either. I had to come to Melchior to learn the filthy truth." He mentioned Melchior. Perhaps if I ask Melchior, he will tell me and I don't need to worry about learning about it with Hanschen while doing, whatever it is.

I decided that idea was as good as any, and headed towards Melchior's house.

As I approached the large brown house belonging to the Gabor's, my nerves set in. _What if he laughed?_ Somehow I knew it was going to be alright. Melchior was friendly to all, even though I did not talk to him often. This would work out all fine.

I walked through the flowers, taking the stepping stones obviously, admiring the house's 'life'. There was plant life and color everywhere. This was something that made me smile. It was my second time being at Melchior's house. The first was for work on a project at school.

I was at the doorstep and knocked. Melchior opened the door with a slightly interesting expression on his face. He was not expecting me of all people to come to his house, especially without an invitation.

"Ernst! Come in!" The surprise stayed on his face as he ushered me inside. "Can I get anything for you? My mother is making tea at the moment."

I just noticed how much I would love some tea. Even though I might have been imposing I had to gratefully accept.

"Yes, please. Tea sounds wonderful!"

When we were both seated with tea, it was time to get down to business.

"So Ernst. What brings you here today?"

A shudder ran over my body as I started wondering why I was there. Perhaps I shouldn't have come at all, but I did want to know what was happening and Melchior was the most likely person to talk to.

I did not know what I should say that would give him the right impression, but not over do it. I was not going to mention me being with Hanschen, because that would let the possible secret out to the public. There was not much that I could tell him. I did not want to lie.

"Ummm… well…" _I always have to stutter at the worst possible times!_

"Yes…" Melchior pushed. He could tell that I was having a hard time. "It is okay. Just tell me whatever you need to. I promise not to tell anyone else." He said reassuringly.

"Well, alright. Today… in the woods… me and… and another… person… we kind of did… a lot of things together…" Hopefully he could get what was needed out of that. If not I could try to tell more.

Melchior smiled.

He smiled.

At a time like that! I could not believe it! This was not a laughing matter!

I just continued. "We kissed… a lot… and then… they took off my shirt and… and my buckle… and then I left because I was confused… what happened? They said you told them about… it… so I came here too." I finished. By this time, Melchior was laughing much harder.

I looked at him in bewilderment and when he saw my expression, he spoke.

"You too, eh?" _Huh?_

"W-What do you mean?" I asked incredulously.

"You are the second person to ask me about this in a week." He smirked again as he took in my scared expression. "Look. It is perfectly okay to come to me, I am glad you did. I would love to talk to you about it." This made me relax instantly. "It is a bit weird though that you of all people would engage in such behavior. Perhaps you desire more than you look like."

I had no clue what he was talking about.

"Now. I will tell you everything you need and want to know. I shall warn you though, it is not a very light subject. Can I ask you something?"

"Of c-course."

"Do you have certain fantasy dreams? They may be an a bed with another person…" That was all it took for me to answer.

"Yes. Every night."

"This is exactly what I thought. Alright, let's get started."

With that, Melchior told me everything, and when I say everything, I mean everything…

**So that was chapter three! It was a lot different, and not very well written, but I tried to capture Ernst's innocence. I thought it would be too early for Hanschen and Ernst to actually go the whole way.**

_**A couple things:**_** Is this story still a Teen story, or should it be Mature??? **

_**Also:**_** I am **_**thinking**_** about getting a beta for this story, but I do not know how to do so. Any help would make me very happy and earn you a virtual cookie!**

**Next chapter won't have as much fluff in it. I don't think. We will see.**

**More reviews= happier writer with more inspiration= frequent updates= overall better story!**


	5. A Pleasant Surprise

**Thanks to all for the amazing comments! Chapter 5 is up! **

**Disclaimer: I do not own Spring Awakening or any of the characters AT ALL.**

Hanschen POV

_Ernst just left me, and so easily too! This has never happened to me! I am not used to people just leaving during one of my sessions, especially me, Hanschen!_

I was so upset when Ernst left the farmer's shack on that afternoon. What would he be scared about? Sure, he was not educated about some of life's mysteries, but he didn't have to leave me stranded in a shack in the woods! I was so used to girls, and some boys, falling at my feet, begging for time alone with me, so you can imagine I was quite disoriented when Ernst just got up and ran away because he was nervous to take things too far. 'Too far' was not even in my vocabulary.

I believe one of the main points is that I was slowly but surely succumbing for Ernst and him being as naïve as he was, so it was quite a large wonder and disappointment when he fled prior to our planned finishing.

Though I was saddened at Ernst's quick departure, I could not help but be worried about him. He did not know which way to go to get home and I was not able to catch up with him. I spent the rest of that day wondering where he went and if he was safe. Also, he left behind his belt. I made a mental note to return that to him when I arrived back home. It would at least give me an excuse to talk to him. However, I didn't really need a reason to talk to someone because I am Hanschen and people have always talked to me anyways.

_Poor Ernst, he missed out on quite an incredible night with me. At least I know we will finish up business soon._

_**Ernst POV**_

It was around 9 o' clock when I finally got out of Melchior's home. His mother insisted that I stay for supper, and I had to accept because I was quite hungry anyway. I was very quiet and unresponsive as I ate, for I was still scared from the 'talk' I had with Melchior. Plus, I felt as if I should be polite out of respect for our elders. At least that is what the Bible teaches and what I believe as well. I could imagine Hanschen's snickering face while I was sitting down at the Gabor's dinner table. He wouldn't be able to control himself. He has always thought of me as the boy that is in awe, good or bad, at everything I see. I can hardly blame him. Melchior had a smug look on his face for the duration of the meal while he stole glances at me every so often. It was obvious that he had the same talk with several other people and was used to the same stunned reaction.

I finally got out the door and had to immediately take a deep breathe to relieve myself of all the heavy things that have been going on in my life. It helped clear mine mind somewhat and ready me for what happens next.

It was already dark outside with the same musty plant smell as always in the air. This also relaxed me. I knew that I should walk quickly because my parents didn't like me getting home very late. Although I knew that I would be let off the hook by telling them that I was at Melchior Gabor's house. Everyone in the whole town both knew and respected their family. It was as if some unspoken agreement existed that said the Gabors were safe to be around all the time. Besides, Melchior got the highest grades in school and was friends with nearly every student.

The lights were on in my house when I arrived home and my father was on our front porch in the wooden rocking chair my younger brother Kyler and I made for him and mother for their anniversary. Anyway, I was sure he was waiting outside for me to come back. My parents have always had overprotection issues with me and it was usually about 9:30 that they started to worry about me.

When father saw me, he stood.

"Ernst Jochim Robel, I am honored that you have decided to grace us with your presence at such a time of night. I only hope we haven't caused you hardship in any way at all. I see you were not in any rush getting home. You are not even out of breathe from running. Do explain your absence." My father's face had always had a stern expression, so it really was not surprise when he had the same countenance.

"Father, I was speaking to Melchior Gabor at his house and we ran slightly off schedule. I am sorry." As long as I acted polite, I knew he wouldn't mind too much. My guess was confirmed when his mood lightened at the hearing of Melchior's name.

"It is okay, Ernst, but please notify me or your mother next time you are to go to a friend's house."

"Of course, father." I smiled slightly and walked inside and up to my broad, comfortable room. I sat down on my bed and sighed.

_This really was an interesting day. What should I do with Hanschen now that I know what he wants from me? I still want him badly but I know that God says that having sex before marriage is a sin and is considered unclean and disrespectful. I am too shy anyway to even try. Besides, what is Hanschen no longer is interested in me because I left him so quickly at the shack? I would not be surprised if he ignored me tomorrow and completely forgot about me because of what I did. Perhaps I should have just gone along with Hanschen and did what he wanted and I secretly desired as well. That might have helped the situation I am in now. _

_I will just act as if nothing happened and if Hanschen still wants to do it, I cross the bridge when it comes. If he ignores me, then I will ignore him back and all will be well._

I couldn't help missing Hanschen as I sat and waited for something to happen that was interesting my room. At heart I knew I was interested in how it would feel like, to be with Hanschen in that way, but then again, I would be losing my innocence at such a young age and could never get it back.

_At least God could understand and forgive me. He knows what I go through each night in my dreams and of my increasing desire for Hanschen. He might forgive me for my mistakes. However, there is still a possibility that he may not, and since I am attracted to Hanschen, a male; there is a large chance of me going to hell when I die. _

_If I fall in love with Hanschen even more than now, it will be worth it though because I will be with Hanschen for eternity, even in hell._

_I now realize that if I do go the heaven though, so will Hanschen because we are alike in the way that we both are attracted to boys. So, if I were to go to heaven, I will be with Hanschen anyways for the rest of eternity. _

_I can deal with going to heaven or hell as long as I am with Hanschen._

My thoughts were interrupted as I heard a loud 'thump'. I immediately looked up, snapping out of my reverie and sought out to discover the source of the noise. I turned to the left after seeing a flash of an object on the window, with another 'thump'.

I got up off the bed and moved toward the window, opening it in order to look down. I was confused until I saw the handsome face of my beloved Hanschen looking upon me. We both instantly smiled and I motioned for him to come up. I was so delighted that Hanschen had thought it necessary to speak to me after the odd situation we had earlier that afternoon.

In fact I was so delighted that I did not notice him climbing up the flower terrace on the patio to my bedroom window until he was literally half way up. When I invited him inside, I meant for him to go around to the front door and come in; not to climb up the wall and get in through the window.

But he was Hanschen, what else should I say? He was strong, daring, and rebellious all that the same time. I should have expected him to do something out of the ordinary.

I said something anyway.

"Hanschen, what are you doing?" I asked, frowning down upon him, "That isn't safe!"

"Look Ernst, do you honestly believe I live making sure everything is absolutely safe before doing anything?" He was the Hanschen I came to know and love, that was for sure.

I let out a nervous sigh and pouted my lips slightly, which made Hanschen laugh.

"My, there is a good chance I could use some help getting in when I come up more." He added with a smirk. At that point he was almost to the window.

I reached out my hand when he queued me to and pulled him into my spacious room. I continued, "You do know that when I invited you in, I meant to go through the front door, not on the outside wall. You could have gotten hurt!" I had an obvious look of concern that Hanschen could see.

He shrugged. "I will take my chances. Nice room you have here." He commented as he looked around my bedroom.

"Why thank you Hanschen." I replied as coherently as possible. I attempted to act calm.

I guided Hanschen to my bed and we both sat there so we could talk.

I watched as he took in my 'luxurious' as some people's point of view, bedroom. I was used to this response in people.

My family was definitely much better off than most other families in our town. My father was a doctor that all knew and used. He was quite smart and educated, so he was the best doctor around for miles and miles. The good part was that he got paid extremely well, but the downside would be that he was hardly at the house at all. I was surprised when I saw him in that rocking chair on the porch. His office must have been having less sick people to care for. It did not matter though, he still got paid the exact same amount of money regardless of the patients.

My mother did not have to work because of the steady stream on money flowing in from my father. However, she enjoys having a large house and fine possessions, so she worked anyway. She enjoyed being a favorable seamstress either way and that job was helpful for our family of three children and it also paid well.

With two parents pulling in a lot of fortune, it is safe to say we were well off moneywise. I made sure not to brag, though, and few people mention my family's wealth. God enforces modesty, so I was sure to cherish what I had and be thankful.

My room was a large bedroom, not the biggest room of the house, but still quite worthy. It had several windows on the opposite wall of the entryway and another window near the corner, because my room was a corner room to the house. One of the windows on the bigger wall was the one Hanschen climbed through. My bed was a normal size and had my light feathery blankets on top neatly folded and placed accurately into the perfect rectangle. My mother had me get into a habit of making my bed every single morning in case anyone came over unplanned and went into my room for an unknown reason. It also helped me get ready for when I got married. This is what my mother kept repeating to me.

Hanschen looked into my eyes after he straightened out his trousers and spot clean white shirt. His eyes were even more flaming hot than the normal piercing glow of Hanschen's eyes. They instantly had me captivated.

Hanschen needed to speak to me.

"Ernst, we desperately need to talk about something." He glanced downward then raised his head waiting for the 'it is alright to speak' signal. "Why did you leave me at the shack?"

Hanschen's eyes bore into mine and demanded an answer.

"Hanschen, I… I am not sure if I am ready… I saw Melchior just now and he told me everything… it all seems like a dream, perhaps a fairytale to me…" Hanschen looked surprised when I mentioned that I went to see Melchior.

"You went to Melchior's house and he explained what I was going to do?" He smirked when I timidly nodded with a swallow. "Well then. I suppose I do not need to talk to you about that. It is just one less thing for us to do tonight." He said as seductively as possible. Blood rushed to my face causing me to blush and my heart to flutter.

"How did you think of the information you learned?" Hanschen was trying not to burst out laughing at my expression. I am sure he could have imagined what I looked like there. "Did he show you any pictures?"

"Well, the whole process was quite… descriptive." I murmured finding a close enough word to count. "It was almost too descriptive, actually, and yes pictures were involved." I blushed a much deeper red and put my head down.

"That is exactly how it was for me too. No need to be embarrassed. I still remember that day. It was so much fun. I wanted to go out and try it as soon as possible!" He added slapping me across thee shoulder and taking in my facial expression. "I am just messing around with you, Ernst. Goodness, you are too gullible! You need to take things as a man!" He flexed his muscle.

I tried to fake a chuckle, but it ended up sounding and looking like a drowning horse.

"So why did you come here, Hanschen?" Getting right to the point.

"One reason was to enlighten you, however since you are already educated now, I will move on to number two. I have come to return your belt that you left in your feeble attempt to grab your clothes when you rushed out of the shack to escape." He handed me the belt that I had long since forgotten. I smiled.

"Thank you. I forgot about that. What will be next?"

"Since you are aware of where I was going, I would like to pick up where we left off in the shack." Hanschen said with no noticeable strain or nervousness in his voice.

_Why is Hanschen so perfect? Nothing can disrupt his confidence._

"If that is okay with you. If the problem is that you do not know how, I would be honored to lead."

I was frozen and I didn't know what I should have done or said, so I did literally the first action that popped into my head.

I leaned forward and pressed my lips to his with great force. He acted alarmed at first. Apparently I was not the type of boy to start something like that. I directly cringed at my forwardness and covered my mouth apologetically.

"I am so sorry, I shouldn't have," But before I could finish I was interrupted by Hanschen's lips at my own. I was caught by surprise, so when he forced himself onto me I fell back lying on the bed with Hanschen right on top of me.

_Oh my goodness Ernst! Am I ready for this?_

"Wait!" I forced out under Hanschen's heavy lips. I could not go any further without speaking to him once more.

"Huh?" Hanschen looked disappointed, which I was ready for. He backed away just enough to let me speak.

"I am still not sure if I am ready for this… it is a very big step in our relationship…"

I could tell what Hanschen was thinking… _'Ernst being careful little Ernst, yet again! What am I going to do with him?'_

Hanschen was getting more frustrated by the second, but he still wanted to p[lease me somewhat, so he kept off.

"I promise you that you will enjoy this experience. You do not have to worry because I know what I am doing. Come on, you cannot say 'no' to this face and to this body, can you?" He let out his perfect smile that I love so deeply and I blushed even more ferociously, more than I knew was possible.

I stared at Hanschen through and through for at least three minutes. I took my time, tempting Hanschen even more. I thought further about it and at last came up with an answer as I gazed at the muscular body of my beloved Hanschen.

And then…

**Sorry for the slight cliff hanger, it was just a good place to leave off I think. I am not as happy with this chapter and I do not believe it to be one on my best examples of writing either, but it will work.**

**Please write to me in a review and tell me ways you think I should improve and/or ways you like it! Love when people do! There's a chance I may even read your stories (if I know of the topic!), so thank you for everything, including reviewers.**

**Did I mention that I have a good friend who is a good friend of Alexandra Socha??? I know it is not amazing, but it makes me happy. He is her age too. Yes I know I am a lot younger than them, but he is my friend anyway. Alright, see you l8er!**

**Sarah ******


	6. Wanting More

**Hey guys! Thanks to all the amazing reviewers! Enjoy!**

Ernst POV

That night was one of the best nights of my entire life. We spent the whole night together on my bed, and neither of us got a minute of sleep. It was absolutely wonderful being able to fell so secure and wanted. Hanschen was like a pussycat. He's soft and affectionate, but reassuring (in a strange way) and comforting. Then, of course, there is always that large part of him that wants to keep going forward with the relationship if you know what I mean. Somehow I do not mind that side of him. Probably because it feels awesome and I enjoy engaging in some of his favorite acts.

Anyway, three minutes after we finished talking all of our clothes had been swept off and thrown on the floor forgotten until the morning. No more talking was done between the two of us. Well, unless you would count the numerous moans and groan that escaped our mouths through the course of the night, but that should be expected.

I must say, it was slightly odd that the person to whom I lost my virginity was not even a female. If you actually thought about it, it is quite hilarious. If I told my parents they would go berserk. If I told my siblings they would be both confused and shocked and resort to telling my parents immediately. When my parents go berserk, you do not want to be the cause of it. They would take me out of school themselves and send me to a random reformatory in Berlin. That I knew perfectly well. And they would do it for good reason, but somehow I could not get myself to regret that night. I suppose this is what happens when you are in love.

I did not stop after the first kiss was given. I did not want to. _I suppose I will have to keep this a secret, then. Well, at least it's worth it._

We had to wake up, or get up in this case, very early in order to escape the wrath of my parents when they saw us wrapped together naked, on my bed, in my room. The sunlight was pouring in from my open windows. I hadn't thought to shut them the previous night for some extremely peculiar reason I could not wrap my head around. The immense sunlight blinded my eyes for a second, as my head was against Hanschen's neck before I lifted myself, stopping the sunlight from hitting my eyes.

I grinned when I saw Hanschen's spectacular crystal gleaming eyes open and look into mine. Hanschen smiled as well. Not smirked, but smiled. That was a good sign.

Then he smirked after realizing he smiled at me.

"Well, well, well. Did you have a good night?" Hanschen teased with a slight seductive 'see, I knew we were going all the way tonight and nothing was going to stop me' look.

I decided to go with the act, ignoring the sudden blush and nervousness that just recently set in.

"Yes as a madder of fact. Thank you for 'teaching me'. I feel quite educated on the subject." Hanschen caught on and hugged me closer. I could sense… affection?

"That is good. I am glad you enjoyed it, as we are going to repeat this night more often," Hanschen said seductively. "You do not know how nervous I was that you wouldn't like it."

Hanschen saw my shock as my mouth opened. I was surprised he would even feel nervous, let alone admit it to me! _Did he really just say that?_

"Yes I just said that Ernst." Hanschen pressed, answering my unspoken question. "I just want to do this again, and would be let down if you were to not enjoy it." He quickly covered.

"Oh, of course." I meekly replied.

_Why do I always get my hopes up for nothing? He's Hanschen, what should I expect?_

"Now, we should at least put some clothes on for when your parents come to check on you. I can tell them we had an unplanned study sleepover, but somehow I get the feeling that my argument would not work if we were both naked, pushed up against each other."

He untangled himself from me and rose to his feet. I stared at him in complete awe of this unhindered view of Hanschen's bare muscular figure. I had to ask myself one question though. _Why did he choose me to do this with? There are so many other people who are more beautiful than me that would make a better match with him._

_I know what Hanschen would say. 'Well, yes. I see what you are getting at. But no one can resist my perfect body and charm, so I might as well choose you.' I should have done something to him when I had the chance, but then again, he's the self self-absorbed Hanschen I love so much, and I don't want to change him._

We were both standing by that time and I was rifling through my clothes drawer for something polite to wear. It was Saturday, so we did not have to get dressed for school.

I felt heat on my bare neck and knew that Hanschen was behind me. My thoughts were confirmed when he hugged me and pressed his soft, warm lips to my neck. I shivered at his sudden touch, and Hanschen pulled away, mistaking me for being cold.

Hanschen appeared at my side as I resumed what I was doing. He began looking as well.

"Here, Ernst. You should wear this. It is my favorite outfit on you."

"You have a 'favorite outfit' for me?" I asked, shocked. _Why would perfect Hanschen spend any of his valuable time admiring what I wear outside of school?_

"Yes, of course I do. Since we are so close now, shouldn't we have favorites and opiions about one another?"

"Well, yes," I thought briefly. "but you are Hanschen."

He chuckled, obviously knowing what I was saying. "And you are Ernst. You should stop judging people like that. Just because I am popular at school does not mean I have no feelings."

_Oh, goodness. What should I say? Since when does Hanschen open up to people like this?_

I took the pair of trousers and shirt and put them on without saying another word. Then I walked back over to where Hanschen was and gave him a quick soft kiss on his lips for opening up.

"I will let you borrow some of my clothes. I have a few pairs that are big on me and would fit you."

After we were both dressed and ready, my mother gave us breakfast and said Hanschen should go home because we had to go to the market to get food for supper.

I could tell that my mother was surprised that I was friends with Hanschen, mostly because she knew how different and popular he was. I suppose opposites attract.

"Ernst, you should walk Hanschen home and I will be waiting for you when you come back."

"Of course, mother." I replied while pulling Hanschen out into the dirt road and to the left, which is where his house is.

We talked that whole way to his house about school and how everybody would go insane if they found out about us. We thought of each individual person at school and imagined what would happen if they knew of our 'acts'.

This is what we came up with; Herr Sonnestitch would expel both of us from school right away and force our parents to put us into a reformatory. Well, not really force my parents, because they would do it anyway. Moritz would be shocked and would want all of the details right away. Melchior would be proud of me for doing something rebellious and having a magnificent time, and Wendla would be confused as to why two boys would even think about engaging in such acts. However, we did not think that she would tell anybody.

Hanschen and I came up with several other reactions before we reached Hanschen's house. I was depressed when I had to leave him. I always was. I never wanted Hanschen to leave, especially after sharing such an intimate and valuable night with him.

I took a look at Hanschen's house. I walk by it every day to school, but have never seen it at such a close range, because the driveway is long, with trees covering up most the area. The house was smaller than mine, much smaller. It was brown and had just one level. However, the area of the one story was slightly bigger than my house. Flowers surrounded the stone pathway, like Melchior's house, because I knew that Hanschen's mother enjoyed gardening in her free time. She did not have a job, so she had much free time.

I could tell that Hanschen wasn't nearly as rich as I, by the house and the property inside the house. That was okay with me, though. He was content with his life and his family. I had a feeling that his parents would not react as badly as mine if they heard about our relationship. They would be disappointed though.

As we arrived at Hanschen's front door, I was even more depressed to leave him. I wanted to be able to see him again soon. I turned to look at him and grabbed both his hands in mine.

"Hanschen, I do not want to leave you." I declared forcefully.

"I do not want to leave either, but we must. Your mother is waiting for you at your house."

"Do you promise to come back and see me soon?" I had to make sure that he would see me again soon. I was in love with him, and when you are in love, you do not want to leave that person.

"I promise."

"Okay. Bye Hanschen. Thank you for last night." I said while smiling. He grinned in response.

He pulled me into a tight kiss and hugged me after we were done. After all, we couldn't be long, or else his parents would find us kissing on their doorstep and tell my parents.

I waved as he walked into his house and slowly began walking away. I couldn't take a long time getting home, or else my mother would get worried.

_**Later… **_

When I arrived back home from assisting my mother with buying food supplies I was exhausted as usual. I had to carry many heavy boxes the three or more miles from the market to my house. I got home and immediately put the boxes of food down and trudged over to the couch in the living room, sitting down.

This time, walking home took longer because my mother met up with Frau Bergmann, Wendla's mother. Since my mother loves to talk with friends, I had to wait for their conversation to be over in order to continue home. I believe they were talking about how much Wendla was out playing with Melchior recently. That was news to me, although I did see a few extra glances between Melchior and Wendla in class. I just hoped they weren't doing anything of a certain nature…

I stared at the painting of a cargo ship on open waters on the living room wall. My father told me he got it from a family friend who said he got it for a very low price at a market in Berlin. My father admired it so much that he bought it off him for a little more than the original price.

Personally, I could not see why the painting was so beautiful. I have always been afraid of the water and its high crashing waves that inundated the shore with water. That is probably the reason why I did not like the painting. Of course I have never told anyone that I was afraid of the ocean. Many people would laugh at me, my parents included. I learned to swim anyway, flinching at every little splash of water that came my way. I would cover it up be saying I wasn't feeling well, or I thought I saw something in the water.

I felt thirsty, so I got up to get some water from the kitchen. On my way, I passed by the front door again and saw a small white piece of paper on the matt.

_What is this?_ I thought, quite confused. I walked over to it and picked it up.

The note had a scrawled "To Ernst" on it in the straight, neat handwriting that was obviously Hanschen's. I was nervous, but I turned it over and opened the wax on the back side in order to pull the letter out. It was longer than I would have thought.

_Ernst,_

_I had my brother deliver this to you on his way to his friends house and told him that if he tried to read it, that would make sure to make his life horrible for the next year. Don't be worried, if this is still sealed all is well. _

_Please meet me at the farmer's shack in the woods near the hayfield tomorrow at precisely noon. Church should be over by then and you should be able to find it. Do not wear anything that you do not want to get a little dirty._

_Yours, Hanschen_

I couldn't wait for Sunday at noon. That is all I could say.

**So, sorry that this chapter is a lot shorter than the rest, but I am time crunched today and have to leave for a family gathering down in Rhode Island. See you later, and please remember to review!**

**Oh yeah, and I didn't want to write out the night because it would not be rate T anymore, AND it would be really awkward considering I am 14 and just don't know how. So, there. Bye!**


	7. I Could Not Believe It

**Hey, so here is chapter 7! Some conflict in this one (finally!) **

**I am leaving for CA with my family at 5:00 in the morning tomorrow (literally, if not earlier) and I will be there for 10 days, so I decided to post this before I go. Hope you like it!**

**Disclaimer: **_**cry**_** I do not own Spring Awakening **_**cry**_

The walk (or run) down to the farmer's shack after church was horribly painful. Even though I could not possibly move any faster, it still seemed as though I was not going quite fast enough. I knew I was going to be early for my 'meeting' but I figured that if he was there early too, then we could just start sooner. Even if he decided to show on time, I could just sit and think while I wait.

I was sprinting through the woods, close to Anna's house, and my foot snagged on a tree root. Since I was running so fast, it hurt more when I fell.

I let out a blood-curdling cry and hoped no one could hear me. If anyone did it would probably just be Anna. After a few long seconds, I got up and realized that to my advantage nothing was really injured, it was just the surprise of the fall that altered my senses.

I quickly checked for any scratches or cuts and found nothing except my hands were a bit scraped up from the dirt and leaves on the ground.

_I am lucky_, I thought as I began running again.

After I started up again, I couldn't help noticing that I wouldn't be as early as I would have been if I hadn't stopped, but there was nothing I could do. I still would be on time, at least.

The farmer's shack appeared into view after several lingering minutes that felt like hours. My body suddenly got butterflies and I instantly became extremely nervous. I started blushing as I headed toward the entrance of the shack.

I remember anxiously looking inside to see if Hanschen was already there. When I found nothing, I got disappointed quickly and sighed.

"Well, well, well. Thought you'd take your time, huh?" Said a sarcastic voice behind me, in the woods.

Though the sudden noise frightened me, I regained enough composure to turn around and act. I knew instantly who this voice belonged to and I couldn't help but smile at myself for honestly thinking that Hanschen wouldn't do something of this sort to fool me.

_Same old Hanschen I know and love._

As I turned around I was already scrambling to get to him as if he was water and I was in the desert for days and days. Although, that analogy des not seem quite strong enough, I must say.

When I reached Hanschen I promptly pulled him to me and forced my lips on his, putting my hands up into his perfectly set blond hair. It was a shame to mess it up any other time than this, but not for my purposes. We moved together, sensing each other's presence and every movement felt 'right'. We were meant to be together, God made it this way, so there was no holding back anymore.

_Who would have thought one week ago that I, Ernst Robel, the small and meek child of the class who would not dare to sin against the Lord or explore rebellious natures, would be enthusiastically kissing Hanschen, the perfect, beautiful, popular, amazing Hanschen, on the lips, in the middle of the forest next to an abandoned farmer's shack that has certainly seen better days, located in a hayfield?_

We were really getting into it at that point and Hanschen was just starting to take off his top, as I heard a rustle in the bushes to my back right.

I thought nothing of this sudden sound, believed it to merely be a little rabbit, perhaps searching for food or water, or maybe a small rodent of some kind. Anyway, I didn't move at all. In fact, I worked even harder at unbuttoning my own shirt. At that point, we both were on the ground in the shack, how we got there is still a mystery, Hanschen on top of me. _Leave it to Hanschen to be the controller during such activities._

Suddenly, as Hanschen was working on the button of my trousers, there was a gasp at the 'door', that was really just a big hole in the wall, of the shack. I stopped what I was doing right away, for I knew that noise did not come from any animal I knew. I just stayed there frozen for what seemed like a couple seconds. Hanschen noticed I just stopped and got up from on top of me with a confused look.

"What did you do that f-" He started, but then stopped after looking where I was looking. "Oh, fuck." Hanschen whispered. **A/N: The song "Totally fucked" plays in the background.**

There, standing in the doorway, was a completely shocked Anna. Her mouth was wide open and she was at a complete loss for words.

"I-I was j-just walking-g home f-from talking t-to G-Georg and-d I heard Ernst-t scream. I f-followed you to help-p and found-d this." She stuttered while taking small breaks in between words.

_Oh my goodness! Of course this will happen_, I thought. _I knew something like this would happen soon, but I did not feel like thinking about it. Now it is too late, and Anna is going to tell the rest of the people in the entire town. What are we going to do? No!_

I physically could not say or do anything, so I waited until Hanschen or Anna would speak. I silently prayed to the Lord asking him to please save us and get me out of this nightmare of a predicament. **A/N: This is where the first verse of "Bitch of Living" plays.**

"Well? Do you have anything to say?" Anna asked, getting a little bit frustrated. Her face was bright red and confused. It was obvious that she needed some time talking with Melchior as well.

"Uh…" Hanschen hesitated and looked at me, asking for something, anything to say to control this absolute madness.

"How about s-starting with why I should not just go around telling everybody about this discovery? They would put you into a reformatory at once." Her stuttering was almost gone, as she had had much time to compose herself and get back together.

"Look, Anna." Hanschen spoke, putting a hand up. He sighed. "There is no need whatsoever to tell anybody until you understand what is going on. We were only having a good time. There is no relationship here at all. It is wrong to have intimate connections with people of the same gender. If you must tell, then go right ahead, but you would be doing the wrong thing. Again, there is no need at all."

My stomach dropped.

Was that really my beautiful Hanschen that just said those things about our relationship?

Is that really what he thinks? That I am just 'a good time'?

I could not believe it. My mouth dropped to the floor with that last comment. I could not believe it.

Anna seemed honestly surprised at what Hanschen said as well. She was expecting something much different, probably. Most likely something that involved begging her on our knees not to tell anyone.

"Well, I-I suppose I will think about it." She started walking backwards, her eyes still un the both of us, who haven't moved an inch. "Until then, I trust that you will stop this, whatever this is, immediately." She hesitated, not knowing what to say.

"Uh, goodbye, for now." She finished with a slight nod of the head. She turned completely and raced off the scene, leaving Hanschen and me alone in the shack.

What surprised me just about the most, is the fact that just after that, Hanschen acted as though nothing happened. "Now that that is over, we may continue. That was a close call though, wasn't it?"

With that said, he leaned in and put his mouth to mine. I still did nothing. When I did not react, Hanschen pulled his head back, and with one very confused looking expression, he said, "Ernst?"

I finally figured out how to move the muscles in face and speak. I had a very hard time believing Hanschen was serious when he said those things to Anna, but I was shocked that he would do so, and then act like it was all just dandy afterwards. I knew Hanschen would do something like this, but I had no idea as to what extent up until then. I did not like the new Hanschen. Actually it was not the 'new' Hanschen, it was the real Hanschen, and then, at that moment in time, I got a massive wake up call telling me that this was dangerous and Anna might be telling everyone about this.

Now that Hanschen just told Anna that there was nothing between Hanschen and me at all, especially so easily, I found that perhaps Hanschen really did mean what he said and I was nothing to him but some fun. Or some practice for when he can finally get to the big leagues like Melchior.

It hurt to know the truth.

That is all I can say.

It hurt.

Big time.

As Hanschen leaned in for another kiss, as if to try and spark my attention again, I could not let him. I just couldn't. I pulled away instantly, not letting his lips even reach mine. I still felt his hot breath on my face, but not in the form of lips. In fact, I was not able to look Hanschen in the eye at that moment, I was so hurt.

I got up, feeling my feet weaken under the sudden pressure. However, I did manage to stay standing. I started to walk out of the shack without saying anything, but figured I might as well speak my mind so that Hanschen at least knows where I am coming from.

I turned and saw Hanschen's eyes wide open from surprise. He knew I was just going to leave. Again, just like I had before. But yet, not just like I had before. It was different this time. It wasn't because I was scared of coming into new territory with Hanschen and being nervous. It was because Hanschen had broken my heart.

That is what happened. He broke my heart right in half by just saying those few words. I didn't think it to be possible, for somebody you truly loved to just easily waltz in, say a few words, and break your heart without knowing. No problem. Just like that. I did not believe that it was possible for the one person in your world that you loved unconditionally, and yes I do mean unconditionally, to come and snap your heart in two with such an easy as nothing few words.

However, I learned at that moment in time, in the shack, in front of the man I still loved but did not love me, that it was quite possible. In fact it was happening to me.

I still loved him, there was no doubt that I didn't, but I knew he did not feel the same way, and it really felt horrible.

Then I recalled that he actually never said he loved me anyway, so there was no lies I suppose from him. He just avoided the question when it came up so he did not have to even say the word 'love'. I should have known. It was all there out in front of me.

How stupid of me not to know.

"Hanschen. I know you meant that. You do not love me at all. I was only someone to have some fun with. I understand now. You are right, this is wrong."

With that said, I walked out of the shack completely and sprinted straight for Melchior's house. I needed to talk to him. I just had to because I knew he would listen.

I hastily pounded on the front door of the Gabor's house, not stopping. I needed to speak to Melchior at once so that I could get this out of my head. Tears were then pouring down my face and I could not stop them as hard as I tried, and trust me, I tried.

I heard jogging steps inside the house coming from what sounded like upstairs until the door opened revealing a very clean-cut woman I knew as Frau Gabor, Melchior's mother. I knew her well from seeing her often at church. Although Melchior decided not to attend church anymore, his mother and father still went. Frau Gabor smiled at me when she saw me out on her doorstep. Then, she noticed my crying and seemed very concerned.

"Ernst! Are you well?" Frau Gabor exclaimed, already knowing the answer. She brought inside at once and sat me down at the kitchen table. She began making me a cup of tea without even asking if I would like some. I noticed that even though I was not hungry, as I ate before I left, I was thirsty from all the running. A nice cup of warm tea sounded perfect.

"I assume you would like to speak to Melchior?" She said as a question while adding the water to the tea.

It took me a second to regain composure, but when I did I spoke. "Yes p-please, Frau Gabor-r. That would be wonderful."

"Of course, honey. He is upstairs, shall I call him?"

I nodded.

Frau Gabor was always like a second mother to me and would be happy to help at whater is necessary. This was one of the reasons I was so quick to trust her and so quick to go to the Gabors. If Melchior had answered the door, then all would be well. If Frau Gabor had answered the door, which she did, everything went well, and if Herr Gabor had answered the door, then all would be well because he would not have cared very much at all. He would have probably scolded me for crying and told to act like a man, but handed me off to Melchior all the while.

"Melchior, you have a visitor." She called. "I would come down soon."

"Of course, mother." I heard in the same voice I remembered to be Melchior's. The one with the confident tone, but not haughty.

There were footsteps that became louder and louder until they found the owner at the base of the steps. He looked into the living room and could not find us.

"In the kitchen, honey."

He turned to the kitchen, spotted the two of us, and smiled. As he walked toward us, his mother spoke out. Frau Gabor handed me the cup of tea she finished brewing and walked to the entrance of the kitchen.

"Now Melchior, Ernst, I have some gardening to do, that was what I was getting ready for. I trust you will be safe without my presence for a while. Ernst, you may help yourself to anything we have in the pantry." With a nod she walked out of the kitchen and through the same front door that I had come into bawling my eyes out.

Melchior looked over to me and saw the tracks of tears all down my bright red face. He moved to get a washcloth and gave it to me to wipe my moistened face off.

"So, would you like to tell me what happened?"

**This chapter is a bit different, but new all the same. Hope you liked. Regardless, please send me a review posting any thoughts, comments, or ideas. Thank you for reading.**

**I will not be posting for at least 10 days because I will be away, so thanks in advance for any reviews. You guys inspire writers so much, you know that, right? Thanks!**


	8. A Little Bit of Trickery

**Hey! I'm back from CA! It was wonderful! Oh, and if anyone is confused why I responded to their reviews, it was because I had my dad's laptop to use, but this document was on my home computer, so I couldn't upload it on here in CA. Sorry for the wait!**

**Speaking of reviews, thank you so much to everyone that reviewed! My goal for this story is to have a total of at least 60 reviews, about double of what I have now, so keep reviewing! Thanks!**

**Enjoy chapter 8! Wow… 8 already?!**

**Disclaimer: Come on, you know I hate writing these. Fine. I do not own anything here except for the plot of this story, which some of it I still don't own.**

Ernst's POV

My talk with Melchior was excellent. He seemed to really understand my situation. This made me feel a lot better with myself and my life. Part of the reason it helped so much was that I had to tell Melchior about me and Hanschen being 'together' in very close proximity. However, he was Melchior, the rebellious boy that did not seem to care if people break the rules at all.

Anyway, just the fact that Melchior would still support me and comfort me after figuring out Hanschen and I were together deserves a round of applause. (Actually, I was not even sure if we were together, from what Hanschen said earlier.)

Melchior became a good friend of mine, I am pleased to say. He was quite open with me as well, not afraid to show what he was thinking. Of course, I could not help believing that he was absolutely perfect in every way. Especially his way of coping with the death of Moritz, his good friend who recently decided to kill himself. His lifeless body was found in the woods by Ilse and brought back to his parents who help a funeral at the church's graveyard. We all came, my friends and I. I could not help but cry. That is what I did in such horrible circumstances.

Although I did not know Moritz very well, I still attended the funeral and paid my respects.

Melchior was strong throughout the whole process, but you could still see it got to him, no matter how unlike Melchior he was. He most likely walked away from the funeral and cried then, rather than in front of all those people. Moritz was fragile, easily hurt, and did not do very well in school. Melchior loved him as a friend anyway, like me now. He helped him, now he is helping me. I am positive in saying that if Moritz did not have Melchior, then he would have killed himself long before then.

One thing that Melchior mentioned was that he and Wendla Bergmann, a girl our age in the town, who happened to go to my church, were getting awfully close as well. I couldn't help wondering what it must feel like to be playing around with someone of the opposite gender!

Our conversation was ending and Melchior told me that I was now his new 'Moritz'. I beamed at him, then aware of how much he really did respect me. He also promised to keep my relationship with Hanschen a secret, which I appreciated very much.

When I left, I was quite satisfied with how things turned out. However, I was not planning on talking to Hanschen for a little while. He hurt me, and he would have to realize that and accept the consequences. At that point I still could not believe how much I grew over so little an amount of time is had been. I was saying 'no' to perfect old Hanschen! How could that be so?

I decided, as I began my short walk home, to have some fun.

Since Hanschen obviously did not care about my emotions much, I might as well play around with his, an excellent idea given to me by the one and only Melchior Gabor, by the way. He helped me develop a plan as well.

I could hardly wait to see Hanschen's reaction toward this. Well, his attitude does rub off on me, right? Plus, since I didn't really want to forgive Hanschen so quickly, I thought this was a good enough solution as any.

I was walking to school the next day using a short-cut through the forest when I spotted Hanschen behind me. He was quickly jogging to me so that we could talk. I slowed down to let him catch up, which I suppose surprised him a little. He was used to putting up with my stubbornness, this was not the first time I tried to ignore him after all.

"Hello, Hanschen. Nice day!" I started in as friendly of a voice I could muster, without giving something away.

"Why, yes, it is. How are you today?" He questioned, a polite smile on his face that said 'I honestly do not care about the weather, can we just get to one of our beds so we can have a sleepover already?!' This look did not take me by surprise in any way; he was always a bit eager toward our play dates.

"I am fine, thank you." And with one last smile I turned around and began walking back toward the school. We were early, so they typical excuse about not being late for school couldn't be put into effect then.

Hanschen tried to talk to me all the way to the schoolhouse, but I kept on walking, replying with short answers. When we arrived at school I held the door open for him. That was just about how friendly it was going to get. He hurt me very badly so I was not in the mood for a nice long game of who can be the most lovable. I was still quite upset with him, but just did not show it very well.

My mind was a huge blank throughout much of the day, talking very little and only when necessary. The lesson started and ended without me having a slightest inkling of what we were supposed to be studying at all. If somebody asked to describe what the back of Georg's head looked like, however, I would know exactly where to start.

It was lunch time, so we all went outside to eat. There was always a younger female teacher in charge of lunch hour, Herr Sonnestitch was always eating inside with the other teachers. She was somewhat lenient and allowed us to sit where we pleased and socialize, making this everyone's favorite period of the day by far. However, if we acted out, she had no problem reporting that there was an incident with a student to the head teacher.

I sat down under a gigantic tree near the lake, my usual spot. I loved to sit there because it always shielded me from the sun, but still gave me an excellent view of the sky. Melchior sat with his back to be about 100 feet away, as planned, while Hanschen was next to me, staring and wondering why I am not paying attention.

He tapped me to get me out of my trance.

"Ernst, wake up!" He exclaimed and shook my shoulder.

"Uh… sorry Hanschen, I was just d-day-dreaming." I said with a slight smile on my face.

"About me?" Hanschen pressed eagerly, immediately.

"No." I simply replied.

That was, however, all I had time for because I almost missed my queue from Melchior. He scratched the back of his left ear, which was closest to me, and that made me get up and walk over to him. I say in my peripheral vision Hanschen get up as well and lean a bit toward us, obviously curious about what this was. I pretended I could not see him.

There was slight smugness on my face that only Melchior could be aware of, and the rest of the people in the area were quietly socializing and nibbling on sandwiches and drinking bottles of water or tea. The teacher was too engrossed in the book she was reading to care much. This was a good sign, so we continued with our plan.

I sat down on the grass a few feet in front of Melchior facing him, being sure that I could see Hanschen's outline on the side of my vision, so that I could at least have a clue of where he was and what he was up to, and just to be sure he saw us.

I sat down spoke exactly what we rehearsed.

"So Melchior, I cannot wait until our next meeting tonight." I started, acting as suggestive and loud as I could without seeming suspicious and attracting other people's attention. "Thank you for the lessons, they really helped me get better at it." I glanced at Hanschen so that he would know I was talking about him.

"Not a problem, Ernst. It is all good fun, right? You are really improving, so shy about it before. Tell me, does he enjoy it so far?"

This felt a little mean to me, but if Melchior tells me it will work and Hanschen will finally show how much he really loves me, it will turn out to help in the long run. I loved Hanschen so much, that was the reason it was hard to even pretend to betray him like that. It hurt me a lot to do this, but I felt it was necessary, so I continued.

The more I thought about it then, I realized that he was acting just as bad, and probably worse than what I was doing. He performed similar things to me, and multiple times too. It is time I show him how it feels like.

So, as much as I loved him, there was no stopping me then. The situation was actually quite comical anyway. Who would have though little Ernst could 'get back' at perfect Hanschen Rilow. Well, I have changed a whole lot since Hanschen came, for one thing, I am not nearly as shy and vulnerable as before. This would prove it. Okay, sure I was still very shy and vulnerable compared to Hanschen and Melchior, but I was less of it.

"Oh, yes. I believe so." It was hard to keep from laughing and staring at Hanschen. His expression was priceless. At first he did not understand what I was talking about, then he got the hint after a couple lines and was gaping at me.

Hanschen's mouth was wide open and he was breathing quite rapidly. It was hard to imagine what effect I had on Hanschen at that moment when that was how I reacted to him before.

"Good, well, there is much more to come." I swear I thought I saw a bit of lust in the sparkling eyes of Hanschen's when Melchior said this. It was almost as if he could not believe we could go any farther.

"Well, I am still not sure if I should just keep it where it is at right now. Somehow I do not think Hanschen would be able to handle it, but who knows?" I chuckled slightly to myself and said my last line to finish up before Herr Sonnestitch came back in for the next lesson. "Anyway, thank you very much for your help. I love your bed by the way, it is really quite soft." I added that last part in there with a broad smile. My plan worked.

"Thank you, too, Ernst." He replied with a smile as well. I strolled off back to my desk while taking a good look at Hanschen. His hands were balled up into very tight fists and his mouth was wide open. He was turning red and sweat was starting to appear on his face. I was sure that I flabbergasted him into the next century.

"Hanschen, why are you staring at me?" I asked very innocently. Hanschen was at a loss for words, I could tell.

It served him right.

"I-I" He stuttered, but it was obvious he could not speak out of pure shock. He was starting to look a ton like a pink puffer fish, which was so out of character for the normal haughty Hanschen.

"Well?" I asked with a false confused look on my face.

"Nothing." He finished with a little disappointment in it, with a whole lot of random stammering beforehand.

It was a little bit hard to act like that toward my beloved Hanschen, but I was still enjoying it, because something like this rarely ever happened. I have to admit, I enjoyed seeing Hanschen this vulnerable and surprised, especially because of me!

Hanschen's POV

After overhearing what Ernst and Melchior had to say during lunch, my perspectives were dramatically changed. I truly thought that Ernst was this small, timid, innocent boy, but my observations were turned after hearing that he went with Melchior so that he could learn the 'act'. Not to mention the fact they must have practiced on each other numerous times to achieve desired results.

I was completely dumbfounded at that moment in time and could not believe my ears.

_How could I, perfect, popular, Hanschen Rilow, get tricked this badly by a little boy in my class that I have recently been spending time with? Just because we were paying together for several days does not by any means give him the right to play around with perfect Hanschen! _

_Wait, this cannot be happening! There is no way tiny Bible-bound Ernst could have the courage to go through with this plan! I know… Ernst must be trying to manipulate me! Melchior is with Wendla, he told me a week ago in passing, he would not just abandon her like this! Ernst was trying to trick me, make me jealous. But why? Ernst must underestimate my brainpower! He should know that a harmless, innocent boy like him cannot overpower such a dominant, brilliant, handsome man as I! _

**Okay! Definitely not my favorite chapter at all! But, what can I say? Ernst is changing!**

**So I am sorry if you thought this situation wasn't really appropriate for the story, time period, at all, or if you thought it was stupid in any way. Or if you thought it was way too out of character for Ernst to do. It might have been too early for Hanschen to figure out what happened, so sorry.**

**Fanfiction was not allowing me to login the whole day, so I had to wait until it would to post this. It was some error problem I think.**

**I hope you got the whole joke. If you didn't, tell me and I will tell you all about it. It's really dirty now that I think of it. Wow, Sarah!**

**Hope you enjoyed, and also please review. They make me happy and want to post quicker. Remember my goal for a total of 60 reviews for the whole story! (A good amount of chapters left, though) Thank you people so much! Inspire me!  
**


	9. Sorting It All Out

**Hey! So thanks for the feedback last chapter, here is another! You people rock!**

**Some Hanschen today!**

**Disclaimer: Blah blah blah blah blah blah blah… I do not own Spring Awakening blah blah blah blah blah blah blah…**

Hanschen POV

I have to say, that even though I am Hanschen, it was still really hard to go through the entire day while Ernst was acting so different. It was almost like some random person put a mask on and tried to pretend that they were my Ernst. Some one with a completely different attitude that really irked me.

All of those shared glances in class between my lover and Melchior, two people who could not, in a million years, be in a relationship together. In my opinion it was quite obvious to me that Ernst could never go behind my back like that, a reason why I admired him in the first place. No. And Melchior, I have seen the way he looks at Wendla.

I decided that I should approach Ernst and just talk, so that we are both on the same page. I had to leave with my parents for a party at the Bessell's house. They had daughter named Martha that was my age, but I really do not know her very well. Ever since my parents got the invitation for that get together, I was sure to be doomed for the day. I was just going to go to it and do absolutely nothing other than sit, eat, think, and be a horrible, useless, lazy, but still handsome couch potato. At least I would never have to endure any more of those parties because after this one, they are sure to never invite a boring child like me.

Not that they deserved my company anyway.

It was the end of the day and I saw Ernst leaving, for home I assumed. He was at the fence opening to the woods.

I ran to catch up with him.

"Hey Ernst are you okay? Today you seemed a bit 'off' to me." I shouted so he would here me. He did and turned to look at me while I caught up.

"Umm…" I could tell he was nervous that I would uncover his secret plan by noticing he go a little red in the face. Of course, he was always so adorable when he got intimidated by me, which is often. I mean, who couldn't be intimidated by me? "Actually, Hanschen, I am fine. Thank you for asking." He resolved. "Why?" He asked slightly too quickly to be feigning innocence.

"I do not know. You should ask yourself that."

Ernst was confused.

"What, the 'why'?" His cute little face scrunched up, thinking.

"Yes. Why you tried to make me jealous for some God-knows-why reason."

I saw his mouth drop slightly and his face turned a brilliant shade of red. Ernst started trembling. He knew that I knew that he was pretending to cheat on me with Melchior.

Of course what Ernst tried to tell me next caught me by surprise.

"I-I do not kn-know what you are t-talking about!"

My mouth dropped slightly as well, but I recovered easily, as Rilows do not express surprise. Especially this Rilow.

"Ernst, do not even try to tell me that! You were pretending, with Melchior, that you two are together behind my back and he is giving you lessons! I would be absurd to believe that was true for an instant! I, Hanschen, am not by any means absurd, so of course I found no problem in discovering the truth."

Comprehension dawned on Ernst's face. This was probably the one time in his life that he explored opportunities outside the rules, and he was caught red-handed after one day.

He stepped toward my a little and looked into my eyes, blushing as I stared at him.

"How did you know?" Ernst asked so innocently as if he did not do anything wrong at all but was just accused as a heartless mass-murderer.

I chuckled at Ernst's ability to make everything around him seem light like daises. He frowned at me.

"Ernst, oh, Ernst. What am I going to do with you?" I let out one last chuckle before continuing. "Ernst, I am sorry to be the unfortunate bearer of this bad news, but there is no possible way in hell that you would just cheat on me like that. It may not be so obvious to you, but I can tell how I make you feel. I can do whatever I want with you and you will not budge because of how I make you feel and the fact that you are entirely obsessed with me. Now it is nothing to be ashamed of, Ernst. I cannot blame you for loving me at all, however, it is now, during these promiscuous moments of yours that you need to know that you are a terrible actor and are so naturally innocent, that even when you aren't innocent, you still are. Also, Melchior is love with Wendla. I am quite sure of it. He loves girls. This was his idea, yes?"

Ernst's expression was priceless. It was either that he did not understand a word I said, or he was so surprised that I figured this out so easily. However, judging by his response, I was forced to choose the latter.

It took him some time to process my question, but when it got to his brain he spoke.

"Yes, this was his doing. I saw him."

"I see. Now the only fact that I have not been so fortunate to contrive is why you felt as though you should even try to fool me."

Taking his queue, Ernst responded. "Uh… well…" He looked down, like he was ashamed of something. "I suppose it is rather useless now, but… okay… remember that time in the woods with the shack, when Anna found us?"

I nodded and urged him forward.

"Well you're reaction to the whole situation… it got me thinking that perhaps you really do not care about me as you said and I really was just a 'fun time' as you mentioned. It hurt a lot because I really care about you. I love you, and I don't want to lose you, so I decided that I should try to make you feel jealous so that you would some how come back to me, or I still don't know what I was trying to do, but… now you can see where I was headed… please do not leave me because of this… of course I will understand if you do, but… I suppose what I was trying to say is that I love you. Are you going to leave me?" The Ernst looked up at me with those innocent, and fearful at the time, doe eyes. I could tell he loved me.

I got so into the moment that I failed to respond, which made Ernst take it the worst way. He started crying and ran into the woods and sat on a rock. I reacted quickly.

"Ernst, Ernst! No, of course I am not going to leave you. Are you kidding me? A person would be an idiot to leave you like this." I told him in my most reassuring voice I had. I pulled him into a light, fluffy kiss and he smiled.

"Good." He responded.

I looked into his wet, but still endless, dark eyes.

This was one of those moments where you just know you are meant to be. They come at the oddest times, I must say. Neither of us were able to speak for some time, as we both felt ourselves being pulled together by some invisible force that attached the two of us together. It was so incredibly overwhelming that even I, perfect Hanschen, could not understand it at that moment.

_**After-the-party later…**_ _**Still Hanschen's POV**_

I was so glad that everything was sorted out between me and Ernst, that I had a better mood than I thought through the boring old people's party. Martha was not around so that meant that I had absolutely no one to talk to. I still did not see why they could have just let me stay home, but every time I asked they just responded with the same 'Your name was on the invitation. It is rude to stay home for a party you were wanted at.' And scornful expression.

When we got home, I went up to my room and decided that I should write a letter. Being away from Ernst was painful, painful, and more painful to the point where I could hardly bear it. It was then that I realized that I loved Hanschen and should tell him. H told me, so I felt as though he should know too.

I sat down at my desk and began to write.

_Dear Ernst,_

_Firstly, I have to express that I am so pleased that our matters are now cleared up and we do not have any more problems separating our feelings toward one another. I was saddened to hear that you felt the need to change in order to be with me, which was ultimately what you were doing._

_But I must say, straight away, that as I was at the Bessell's house for a boring house party in which my mother and father forced me to attend, I was not able to get the haunting vision of your innocent little face, endless brown eyes, and adorable brightening smile out of my mind for just one moment in time. This was a quite unfortunate matter, as many of the other guests at the party were beginning to get bothered when I would refrain from answering their questions._

_Anyway, the whole uprising of this problem got me thinking that perhaps there is a reason for my newfound craving of you, which later led me to the conclusion that I have fallen deeply in love with you. _

_So, Ernst, I suppose I could have just told you all of this at school tomorrow, however, I feel as if this must reach you as soon as possible considering there is no reason for you to wait to know this._

_I must also mention the fact that my life would not be the same without you at all, and that when we become of age I would like for us to leave and live together for the rest of our lives. Now I know this is a big step, but it needed to be addressed and if we both truly love each other, as I am positively sure we do, then it can be done. Of course we do have several years to mature and and make up our minds even more._

_Even though this is so unlike me to confess my love for someone, anyone really, I felt as though I must do so._

_I love you, Ernst._

_Sincerely yours forever,_

_Hanschen Rilow_

**Short, I know, but that was a good place to leave off. Forgive me. Now, the story will take a very unexpected twist in plot soon, just warning you. I hope you enjoyed! Please read and review, it makes me very happy!**

**By the way, I took a random little quiz on which character I would be in Spring Awakening and they said that I would be Ilse, which I am happy about because I love the whole Don't Do Sadness/ Blue Wind sequence!**

**Sorry if I spelled 'the Bessells' wrong, I did not have a source to look it up on.**

**Anyway, feel free to review, they make me happy, and I hop you enjoyed!**


	10. Unexpected Rescue

**Hey! I am honestly so sorry about abandoning this story for two months, but I have to say, it was needed, and I had time to think, and now I finally have the chance to write. Adjusting to high school is very hard for me, especially because I am attending a private boarding school, but as a day student. I hope you enjoy this chapter, and thank you all for hanging in there.**

**Since I was gone for so long I have a little recap: **

_**Ernst attempted to make Hanschen jealous, which didn't work because, well, he's Ernst and Hanschen is Hanschen. They easily forgave each other. Then, Hanschen had to attend a boring party at the Bessel's house, at which he realized he really did love Ernst. Hanschen wrote a letter to Ernst finally saying that he loved him.**_

**Disclaimer: Yeah, just look at another chapter's disclaimer and you'll get the point.**

Chapter 10

Hanschen's POV

I knew that Ernst received my letter by the look on his face when he came in to school the next day. I would have burst out laughing from his abnormally glowing expression if it wasn't for the fact that I would get punished in some horribly cruel way for even whispering, never mind laughing, without the professor's consent. So I just settled on a proud smile that I knew Ernst saw. For once in my life, it was from my heart, not just a snide imitation of self boasting. I really loved Ernst, as I still do now, and I know he loved me.

At the end of the boring lecture made interesting by glances across the room towards certain someone, we were dismissed. Luckily the teacher turned around just as Ernst and I bolted out of our seats toward the door together, not caring if anyone else was watching, or if anyone else was even out of their seats yet.

I caught Ernst's hand and ran with him to the river where we first 'connected'. The same exact spot, with the willow tree and the river bend. The scenery was close to perfect, besides a slight difference downward in air temperature.

The thing about Ernst, is that I do not need to say a word for him to already know the basically of my thoughts. That way, I don't have to spend time explaining obvious concepts to him while we could, and should be engaging in an activity that happens to be much more thrilling.

That being said, no words were exchanged out loud in conversation before or during our love making time on the river bed.

It was glorious; everything about it. We were perfect for each other, and however much I didn't want to admit it, Ernst was right all along.

Three hours passed and we were still there, but propped up against a tree facing the rippling water. Our conversation at that time was much more lighthearted and careless than I was used to, probably because we assumed we had nothing more to be frightened or nervous about; our feelings were out in the open and nobody would come in the way. I had no reason to be a snobby brat as usual and Ernst had no reason shy away from my every word or touch like he's hallucinating. We were talking about possibly taking a short swim in the river to wash up a little bit. It wasn't exactly winter yet, and it was one of the warmer days of the season, so Ernst agreed, we had nothing lose.

There was no removal of clothing necessary; that stage had already been completed a long time ago, so we jumped right in, surprised to find that the water was actually quite a bit cooler than we had originally planned. I was fine, having been forced to be tough while working all the time throughout my childhood (we did not have very much money), but I am saddened to say that Ernst had no such luck. The poor boy was too thin and weak to act resilient against the icey waters of the river. It wasn't until I surfaced that I noticed Ernst did not; he lost his consciousness because of shock and was floating facing downward in the water, passed out.

Of course the first idea that popped into my mind that he was going to drown and I would never be able to live with myself again, but then I quickly realized that I am still Hanschen and Hanschen just does not think that way. I could get myself and anyone else out of trouble as long as I refrained from panicking. So I didn't panic, and swam over to Ernst, making positive his head was above the water, because that is what my instinct told me to do. However, the river was approximately two or three feet deeper than I thought, and I couldn't stand on flat feet with Ernst above me. That was when all possible ideas rushed out of my head.

There was nothing to do but scream for help and pray someone heard me. Yes I know there is about zero chance of that happening, considering our placement deep in the woods, but that was as good of a plan as I could get and I didn't want Ernst to die at my hands.

That was the exact moment a miracle happened; out ran a thin girl who looked about our age, a really fast runner, screaming "I've got you! You're gonna be okay!" In such a reassuring voice, I had a hard time not believing her. However, my sane part of my mind was saying _'How is that weakling going to save us? She's only a bit bigger than Ernst.'_ But than I decided to try it, and not give up just yet. She was at the small piece of land closest to us, about 10 feet away and found no other way of saving us than jumping in herself, so she did.

Apparently she was a good enough swimmer, because she got the other side of Ernst and helped haul him back up on land. At that point I had no idea what to do next to save him, so I let the girl, who was surprisingly calm and knowledgeable, lead the way. She barely noticed I existed, she was so focused on saving him. I thought '_Man, I need to know who she is.'_

Then, something I least expected happened. She bent down and _kissed_ my Ernst. My jaw dropped wide open and I yelled something, I do not know what, at her, but she didn't pay attention. Then she pushed down on him several times and kissed him again.

The process repeated for several minutes with me just standing there aghast. However, after that time, Ernst started to splutter and cough and push his way up to a sitting position. I ran over to him, both forgetting we were wet and naked, but the girl, our savior, didn't seem to notice or care either.

Ernst smiled when I hugged him and asked if he was alright. "What exactly happened? I blanked out after hitting the water." That was when I had no idea what happened, at least with the young girl. How did she save him? Luckily the girl started talking at once, responding to my confused expression.

"Once I heard Hanschen yelling for help, I sprinted to the water, jumped in, and carried you out onto land. Then I tried to continue your heartbeat by pushing down on your chest and put air into your lungs for you to keep living."

I was shocked that I thought she was kissing Ernst. I felt really stupid afterward, but still grateful and incredibly curious.

"If you don't mind my asking, how did you know my name? And how did you hear me so quickly?"

"I wander the forest a lot, and climb trees and see the beauty of nature. So when you two arrived at the base of the tree I climbed, I became fascinated by your relationship, because there are many people like you where I live. I'm sorry, I couldn't help listening to your conversation. It was intriguing. Anyway, I know some people from this town, for instance Wendla Bergmann, Melchior Gabor, and Moritz Stiefel." She paused, as if wondering if she should say the next thought. "I don't know if you would remember me, but I played a lot with you and your friends when we were younger, before I ran away. That's partly why I didn't leave."

She stopped talking and remained quiet, possibly waiting until either one of us spoke. I decided to speak up. "Well, what is your name?"

The girl looked up and smiled as she said her name, like she was proud of it. "My name is Ilse."

Suddenly, Ernst's eyes exploded with life and he burst out saying, "I remember you! We played near the river a few times together! Where did you go for all this time?"

"I went to Priapia, the artist's colony as a model."

"And do emergencies like this happen many times there?"

"Something like that, yes. I have gotten used to it, though, and call it my home. If ever you boys need my help, or somewhere to go you may live with me in Priapia for however long you want, because if you get caught together, you will be sent straight to a reformatory or worse. I just want to warn you. Chadrick, a boy who just arrived here, was caught with his lover behind the schoolhouse completely naked and he barely escaped before they sent him off somewhere. The other boy didn't, though, and Chadrick really misses him. I think they were in love. We have many couples just like you where I live."

"Where can we find you?" I questioned, just in case something happened in which I am afraid of.

"You can find me here for the next couple days. I am taking some days off and want to get away and enjoy life."

"Thank you, Ilse." Ernst said.

I got up and gave her a hug, telling her it was nice to see her again, which it was. I would definitely consider her offer if we wanted to get away from our families in case they found out about us. We got up, of course after I concluded it was safe for Ernst to move, and walked back home in time for dinner, which would turn into another sleepover.

**I really do not have much time at all. Sorry again for updating so late. Please do comment with suggestions and/or criticism. I do already know that my writing sucks right now, but I can't quite do anything about it at this time. **

**I hope you enjoyed!**

**Sarah**


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